


In the Stillness I Become

by Morning_Glory



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Families of Choice, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Other, Past Lives, Reincarnation, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-02-12 03:11:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2093472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morning_Glory/pseuds/Morning_Glory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She’s learned not to talk about it. Whether out of fear or disbelief, people never react well to hearing her truth. She’s experienced many lives over many lifetimes and she remembers them all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. as a witness to our love

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a trope bingo fill and spiraled way beyond what I was expecting.  
> As the tags say, this story deals with reincarnation/past lives, so death comes up a bit.  
> Darcy also has panic attacks/fainting spells, nothing too detailed, but your mileage may vary, so proceed with caution if necessary.  
> If I've missed anything, sorry, let me know and I can change it.  
> As always, all mistakes are mine, characters are sadly not.

She’s learned not to talk about it. Whether out of fear or disbelief, people never react well to hearing her truth-- just variations on a theme, every time following the same pattern of finding them and losing them, over and over again. She’s experienced many lives over many lifetimes and she remembers them all.

 

> _Her name was Connie, and it was the war that stole them from her while they were still discovering each other. One was drafted and taken away. The other followed, and left her behind without looking back. Neither of them remembered their shared past that time, and they died as they always did, doing what was right. Her boys, lost to the ice before their time._

Outliving them is not a new experience. It’s happened more times than she cares to remember, but never by more than a few years. Those times are always the worst, living on without them, haunted by their ghosts-- a torturous wait for the cycle to come around again. By accident or deliberate act, something always moves her along to follow them eventually.

For Connie, it’s different. For the first time since all of this started, there is a deviation in the pattern. She lives an unusually peaceful life for almost 47 years before passing in her sleep.

When the next life, _Darcy’s_ life, begins, it’s only a few miles away from where Connie had spent her last days. Anyone willing to search deep enough would see the timing matched right down to the second, and that too is a first. Never have two lifetimes been linked so closely before.

As with every other time, Darcy grows up with the memories of all the lives that came before and the knowledge that someday she would meet up with the new versions of her loves. She can only hope that they would survive long enough to remember everything as well. Most of the time they manage a few happy years with each other. Sometimes, like with Connie, they don’t. Those instances, always an extra level of heartbreaking, have been thankfully rare.

 

> _Darcy’s fascination with all things history, especially anything involving Captain America, was recognized early and indulged._ Two  _complete collections of Captain America and the Howling Commandos bears still occupy her room at her parent’s house, -a 50th anniversary set and the original series that once belonged to her grandmother- and if Darcy made miniature Cap and Bucky bears to keep with her at all times, what did it matter to anyone else?_

When an 8th grade field trip to D.C. brings Darcy to the Smithsonian, she finds a picture of herself -No, _not_ her. Not anymore. _Connie_ \- and her boys tucked away in a corner of the Captain America wing. The shock of seeing her own former face in that setting is so overwhelming that she collapses next to the display in tears. She has to be carried out by one of the chaperones. The mockery it earns from her classmates lasts for years, eventually driving Darcy to graduate early and choose an out of state university to get away from it.

Scholarships cover Darcy’s first few years away at school, and she’s in no rush to leave. Despite being known mostly as a science and tech school, Culver’s library is better in every subject than any she’s had the opportunity to study at in far too many lifetimes. With no compulsion pulling her to move on, Darcy settles in for a while, determined to learn as much as she can while she has the chance. She already has enough memories, of far too many lives, where she wasn’t allowed that opportunity.

Many annoyed phone calls from home and a few half-complete degrees later, she sees a posting for an internship with an astrophysicist and knows that’s where she needs to be. She uses the skills she’s learned and manipulates the system to make sure she gets the position. There isn’t a lot in the way of competition, so it doesn’t take much to succeed, which makes her feel less guilty about doing it.

It’s a bit of a rocky start with Jane, but eventually they settle into an arrangement that works for them. They aren’t friends, not yet, but Darcy knows from the first meeting that Jane will be one of those people who claims a bit of her heart. She refuses to let the scientist’s less-than-stellar social skills get under her skin.

 

> _Meeting Thor was a surprise. The shock left her playing flippant about her knowledge of his myths, learned firsthand in another life. It took more effort than she expected to avoid slipping into those old memories, from a time many hundreds of years gone. She was called_ _Ósk then, and her people worshipped his pantheon as gods. The night he spent on the roof with Jane gave Darcy an opportunity for some time alone, and no one, save a lone S.H.I.E.L.D sniper, noticed when she snuck away from the lab to spend the night in the desert. Beneath familiar stars, Darcy lost herself in thoughts of a past_ _when their triad offered prayers and sacrifices to Thor and his kin for the blessing of a child-- a request they did not survive to see answered._

It takes a couple of truly life-altering events for things to finally click into place for them both, but finally Jane comes around to the idea that they can actually be friends. It isn’t long after that they consider each other sisters, and the determination to stay close means Darcy follows when Jane gets the opportunity to work in Stark’s labs.

She can feel that things are starting to change and she needs to be nearby when they do. But as they settle in and time passes, nothing happens. Darcy allows herself to be lulled into complacency.

It’s why she thinks she’s losing her mind the first time she sees Steve wander through the labs.

It’s not the sickly, scrappy boy that she -not her. _Connie_ \- grew up with that she catches out of the corner of her eye, but the soldier they made of him-- built to fight and protect, wearing the red, white, and blue. He looks the same as he did in the newsreels and films from so long ago, the version of Steve that she never got to meet, only see from a distance once when the USO Tour passed through. And while she doesn’t get a look at his face, she knows it's him. She _feels_ it, the same way she always does, that this one is the real thing, her -no, _Connie’s_ \- Steve, not just the propaganda tool replacement that S.H.I.E.L.D has been parading around since Loki attacked Manhattan.

But something’s not right. He’s not like any of the previous apparitions that come-- that have _always_ come, to be with her at the end. Always, except for Connie. She's never seen past versions of them appear, and never died before they’ve even met. Whatever skewed the pattern last time must still be at work, but Darcy doesn't know what that is or how to fix it. She doesn't know how to fix any of it.

Caught off guard by the feeling of wrongness, and the conflicting stimuli of two lifetimes worth of memories colliding so suddenly, it’s all too much to take. The room feels like it’s spinning as the tightness in her chest makes her lungs burn with the effort to draw breath. She has a passing awareness of a loud crash and pain in her side as she stumbles against her desk, spilling the coffee and knocking over papers and equipment. Jane’s voice calling her name fades out as everything goes dark.

The steady beep and whirr of equipment around her is what wakes her. It takes a few seconds to realize she’s in one the medical suites. Jane sprawls in a chair beside the bed, lost in her battered copy of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and startles when Darcy groans as she tries to move. Jane fusses over her, forcing Darcy to stay put as she calls in the doctor.

After a brief checkup, the doctor confirms that she's okay, but wants her to stay so they can keep an eye on her, just in case. Jane keeps quiet except to comment that in all the time they've known each other and everything they've been through, she's never seen Darcy faint before. And Jane's curiosity practically screams at Darcy, who learned to read that expression of hers before the first week of the internship was over.

And Darcy's been in this position before, knows that if she admits to seeing a dead man, the best case scenario is usually someone telling her it's just her imagination playing tricks on her and brushing it off with some odd looks. If they don't take it well... It’s just better not to think about that too deeply. It doesn’t take much to come up with a believable excuse-- to pretend it was just a combination of skipping a few meals and a lack of sleep. They've been busier than normal lately, so she's not technically lying about that even. All she knows is that she can't tell Jane the truth-- not her, not anyone. They won't understand. How _could_ anyone understand what it means to her? Seeing either of them after they've died has always been a sign of her own impending death. And even after all this time, it never gets any easier.

Darcy shakes off the experience as much as possible, eventually convincing Jane that she's okay. And when she's released, things return to normal quickly-- she's very good at pretending everything's fine.

And then it happens again. 

It’s the same as the first time, just another brief glimpse of him passing in the hall-- nothing spectacular or even memorable about it, if it had been anyone else but _Steve_. And as much as she fights it, tells herself it was just the S.H.I.E.L.D. double, she knows that's not true and reacts the same way again.

Jane doesn't entirely believe her excuses when she wakes up in the medical wing again, but has nothing to prove otherwise. Darcy keeps quiet and returns to work as if nothing happened and, after a while, the concerned and suspicious looks taper off.

Until it happens again.

She continues brushing off the dizzy spells and fainting, but she can tell her friends are worried about her. The more it happens, the more suspicious everyone gets and the longer it takes to settle back down. Questions about her health become more common, and Jane actually starts keeping normal working hours-- as normal as they can be for a job like hers. She makes the effort to ease Darcy's workload as much as she can too, and Darcy knows it's bad, but she can't help wondering if knowing this would have helped back when Jane nearly worked herself into a breakdown after Thor's first visit.

After the fifth time, Darcy starts getting her affairs in order-- preparing for the end that she doesn't feel coming, but she can't keep ignoring. When she hears Pepper is heading off to Italy for a couple of days, Darcy tries not to feel bad about playing up the recent concerns over her health as she asks to tag along.

Pepper is glad for the company on the plane, and the chance to see for herself that Darcy is really okay. They take the flight as an opportunity to get caught up on what they've missed, having not seen each other for a while.

 

> _Pepper, like Jane, turned out to be one of those people -_ her  _people- who held a bit of her heart. Darcy wanted to make sure Pepper would always know how much that meant to her, and while they didn't see each other much during the days, while Pepper dealt with business, they managed to have most of their evenings free together. It ended up being more fun than either of them had in quite a while, and if somewhere along the way Pepper casually slipped Darcy Tony's credit card and instructions to go wild in with her recommendations of relaxing places to go, no one else needed to know._

Darcy spends most of her days, not wandering the city as Pepper expects, but holed up in a private bank, getting everything set right, just in case. The bank, one of the oldest still existing in the world, is still run by the same family who had long ago helped her develop a system to leave everything she gained to the her that would come next. She’d been one of them once, many cycles back, and even after this long they still count her as family, even though they no longer share blood. Their loyalty has been unwavering, and it’s a beautiful reminder that not everything in her past is tragic.

And though she makes the most of her time away, Darcy is happy to return home, to the odd little family she's become a part of this time around. Knowing that things are taken care of after she's gone is a weight off of her shoulders and she settles back in feeling lighter than before.

Jane still watches her, worrying more as others comment on how much better Darcy seems to be, and no amount of reassuring seems to put her at ease. Even Thor has started spending more time around the labs, sticking close to Darcy when he can, making his concern known. It's sweet, really, and she loves him, but a small part of her, the part that once worshipped him, is still a little unnerved that he's real and here and actually her friend-- the most incredible older brother she never expected.

Then D.C. happens, and changes _everything_.

 

 


	2. love like fading photographs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected support as the past comes to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't expect it to take so long to get this part out, but real life *sigh* My mistakes, but sadly not my characters.

Seeing Captain America wandering around, Darcy can almost let herself believe it's just the S.H.I.E.L.D. imposter and life is mocking her in some twisted way. But as she huddles with Jane on the couch in the lab and watches the footage coming out of D.C., with Thor hovering nearby, wavering between staying to protect them and flying off to help his team mate, the part of her that always _knows_ is screaming at her that everything is about to change.

> _She couldn't look away. When she saw the other man, even with his face covered, she recognized him immediately. The way Bucky moved had always been distinctive, and she -No,_ Connie _\- had spent years learning him-- felt those moves under her hands and lips. So when the mask came off and confirmed that she was right, she could more than sympathize with Steve's shock. She could almost feel it through the screen. And so far away, all Darcy could do was watch in mute horror as they tore at each other until the footage cut out._

She doesn't remember collapsing again, but when Darcy wakes up, she's back in the room she's starting to think of as hers in the medical wing. She takes a moment to center herself, coming up with a good excuse for Jane before she even turns her head. She winces to see that Jane's not there.

Instead, Thor occupies Jane's usual spot by her bedside, watching over her with a frown, shoulders hunched and eyes worried. He's never been here for a collapse before, only the aftermath, and she knows by the look he gives her that her usual excuses won't work on him.

But maybe, just maybe, if _anyone_ could, he might understand.

If he's really been around for as long as he claims, he must have seen some odd things, and Darcy's always been curious about how much, if any, of the old myths are true. She asks the question cautiously, aware that it might upset or offend him but he just seems startled more than anything. When he expresses his curiosity over her interest, Darcy fumbles through some kind of explanation that she knows isn't good enough. She's earned her hesitation the hard way, and it's a hard habit to break.

Thor's eyes never leave her face, and whatever he sees there leads him to ask JARVIS to implement the highest level of privacy mode in the room while they talk. Once assurance that it's done comes, along with a reminder of how to reset it when they finish, they are completely alone and essentially cut off from the rest of the Tower. Only then does Thor shift forward in his seat, still watching her as he confides that there are elements of truth to the stories. He doesn't ask why she wants to know, or why now, just waits patiently for her to gather her thoughts and tell him what she needs to say-- something she appreciates more than she can put into words.

> _“If I tell you something, will you keep it a secret?” Thor stared at her intently as she clarified that she meant something he can’t tell anyone-- not Jane, or the team, or his buddies from Asgard. He remained silent for a long time as he considered it, never taking his eyes off her. He eventually nodded his consent._
> 
> _“So long as it will not harm others to keep it,” his voice stayed at that low rumble she’d once told him was soothing. Darcy closed her eyes and took a deep breath._
> 
> _“Then let me tell you a story.”_

And Darcy tells him _everything_.

She starts at the very beginning, with the story of a girl who finds two great loves, both remarkable souls whose feelings for each other run as deep as their feelings for her. The three of them believe that nothing can ever tear them apart, and for a few blissful years, they're right.

But fate has other plans for them. Soon enemies come to steal the girl away, believing her blessed with abilities beyond the norm. Her loves, both strong men and skilled warriors then, fight for her, but the odds are against them. The first falls protecting his shield-mate from a deathblow and the second protecting her, even as he tries to convince her to flee. She chooses to fight by his side, the determination to stay with them, even in this, flaring stronger than any desire to survive without them.

And how, left alone to face their foes, the girl chooses a final act of defiance, spitting the foulest of curses at them as she turns her weapon on herself and robs them of their prize. Most flee in terror of her words, fearful of the power she turns against them. In the mad scramble to escape, torches fall and the house is engulfed, leaving no path to follow. With her last breaths, the girl collapses next to the still warm bodies of her loves, vowing that even in this they would never be without each other. She's gone before the flames reach her.

And in another time, another place, a girl is born with the memories of another life in her head.

One day, she recognizes the souls of her dead loves, also reborn, different, but somehow the same. They've followed her to this new life, and though they don't remember her right away, it all eventually comes back to them. For a little while, they're happy together, but far too soon, they meet another tragic end, and everything starts again.

And again.

And again.

She's never told anyone the whole thing before, from beginning to end, and though her throat burns raw long before she finishes, she endures it. Darcy tells him of being Sabina, and Branwen, and Lesedi; seeing Göbekli Tepe being built, farming in Tiwanaku, and studying at the Library of Alexandria. Of being a Sumerian slave, and a Russian princess and everything in between.

Every secret she's been hiding about herself and the history she's lived, things she's never spoken about to anyone before, she reveals to him and each one sparks a reaction out of Thor. His initial surprise fades to understanding and an easy acceptance that Darcy doesn't expect.

Thor remains mostly silent throughout, only asking about references he doesn't understand, but every time Darcy hesitates or falters, he reaches out to comfort her physically with a touch to her arm or a squeeze of her hand. He chuckles at her stories of growing up in a travelling circus, and the time she accidentally-on-purpose joins a pirate crew. He's intrigued by the time she models for one of her love's artist, with the other as her partner, and how her system with the bank means she still possesses a few of the paintings-- she promises to show him someday, if she has the chance.

Learning about Ósk breaks his heart.

> _It startled Darcy when Thor rose from his chair before she made it halfway through the story. The sudden fear that he was leaving, that it was too much for him, locked the words in her throat. The tears started when, instead of turning for the door, he crawled into the bed with her and lifted her gently into his lap. With her settled against his chest, Thor wrapped his arms around her and held her as she cried._

Years pass, locations and fortunes change, and through dizzying shifts of gender and sexuality of every dynamic and combination, somehow the three of them always wind up together, even if it's only for a brief time. Thousands of years’ worth of stories and too many lives cut short by tragedy-- always three souls connected by their love for each other.

She tells him how she adapts, learning from each cycle as much as she can, and how she uses her knowledge, with help from a few trusted connections, to ease her way as much as possible. The surprise on Thor's face when she admits that her system leaves the her now with a net worth only slightly less than Tony Stark, makes Darcy laugh harder than she has in a long time. The moment doesn't last long, both of them sobering when she admits that she's made sure he and Jane will continue to want for nothing even after she's gone.

It stalls any objections from Thor when Darcy tells him she feels guilty. It's something she's never admitted to anyone before, that she thinks she may have unintentionally brought this on the three of them, back in the beginning-- that maybe her original sacrifice and whatever abilities she had then caused all of this, but she doesn't know how to stop it. She chokes out the words to tell him about the only time she actively tries to avoid the cycle and how much worse that makes everything.

Thor does his best to comfort her as she falters, and his unwavering support helps settle her again. It's been so long since someone has been in her corner about this who wasn't one of the other two. Also, Thor gives the best hugs, and she feels safer in his arms than she has in a long time. It bolsters her nerves and allows her to continue into the most relevant part of the story.

Darcy feels the tension zip through Thor when she tells him about Connie and growing up with Steve and Bucky in Brooklyn-- how neither remembers her, and the way she eventually loses each of them. She explains how the cycle breaks from the pattern for the first time that she can remember and creates far too close a link between Connie and Darcy. Close enough that she has more trouble keeping the two separate than she ever has before, and just how much of an impact that has on Darcy's life through the years.

Leaning away so she can see his face and judge his reactions, Darcy tells Thor about seeing Steve, looking just like the one Connie lost, wandering the halls of the Tower, and how she recognized the man attacking him in D.C. as her Bucky. Dead men are haunting her, and as she explains what that traditionally means, she sees the moment Thor gets that this is the reason for her frequent visits with the doctors.

> _"It's more that they... witness,” Darcy stumbled over the explanation. She tried to clarify, when Thor asked if they always foretold her death, that she meant they were always there for her final moments, aware but unable to help her. She couldn't tell him much about that though. Her Others never told her about their side of those experiences, whether they'd chosen to be there with her in the end, or if whatever she'd done to start all of this had forced that on them too. For as much comfort as it offered her in her last seconds, she'd have spared them that if she could._

When she finally finishes her story, feeling completely wrung out, Darcy slumps into Thor and drifts, letting him process it all in his own time. She's almost asleep when she feels her name rumble through his chest. Surprise at the words that follow wakes her faster than anything ever has. It's easy to understand now, why he wanted complete privacy for their talk.

To match what she shares, he offers his own secrets, of Ragnarök and Asgard's own cycle of death and rebirth. It's a thing they all know, but only a select few remember details from life to life, similar to her experiences, but to a lesser extent. He confesses to being one of those few. Heimdall, who she's never met, but heard many stories of, is another.

What he shares confirms a suspicion of hers, something she's heard rumours of and one of the main reasons she asked about the truth of the myths in the first place. Actually hearing it is like a shock to her system and she stares blankly, shaking, as she tries to process it. There are people who understand the things she's lived through; others who've lived it too. It's wonderful and horrible and suddenly too much...

Thor's hand on the side of her face draws her out of her spiralling thoughts and forces her to focus her attention on him. He's wearing his serious face, the one that always reminds her that he was born to be a king. Instinct keeps her still as his fingers drag across her skin, drawing some kind of invisible pattern on her cheeks and forehead that sends an electric tingle through her veins. Darcy can't hold back the tears as Thor claims her as his sister until the end of time, whispering secret ways to make herself known, so he will always be able to find her again-- no matter how many lifetimes she has left to experience.

It takes a long time, but when they're both calm again, Thor offers to help her reconnect with Steve and spends some time telling her everything he's come to know about his teammate, the man he counts among his friends, and the stories Steve has shared about his life. He takes extra care for any mentions of Bucky.

Finding out that Thor already knows about Connie, that Steve has mentioned her a few times, is so unexpected that Darcy doesn't know how to process it. Had he remembered who she was to him somewhere along the way? Either she asks the question out loud or she's easier to read than she thought, because Thor answers her with the suspicion that Steve remembered her. He's heard far too many people use that same tone in his long life, one of regret and longing over lost loved ones. He assures her that the way Steve speaks about Connie is the same as the way he speaks about Bucky.

Every word from Thor is simultaneously a reassurance that what’s been going on isn't all in her head, and a series of wounds that somehow, after so long, Steve is still alive and well but doesn't know _her_ again. And for Bucky to be back as well, but so clearly not the same man...

> _It was Thor who suggested that maybe whatever they used to change Steve is what messed up the cycle for them. And as she thought it over, it made too much sense not to be true. He shouldn't be alive after everything he's been through, but he was. And so was Bucky-- her Bucky, who was captured and used as a test subject for a similar serum before Steve rescued him, if the rumours are true. Neither man died when they should have; life hit the pause button for them instead, which goes a long way toward explaining how Connie's life played out._

Lost in her thoughts, it takes a few tries for Thor to regain her attention. He points out just how long they've been cut off from the rest of the Tower, and asks if she's comfortable with dropping out of privacy mode. She agrees, knowing Jane must be worried. Thor had told her he would try to find out what was going on with Darcy, but he never expected how complicated it would actually be. His short chat has taken many hours, and who knows what they've missed about the D.C. situation during that time. It's the first thing Darcy asks JARVIS when he comes back online in the room.

It turns out they'd missed a lot.

S.H.I.E.L.D. is fallen, rotted from within, and every secret they had is now open to the public. They know Steve is alive, but injured badly enough to be in the hospital. Bucky has disappeared again. The situation is resolved as much as it can be, under the circumstances, but there's no telling how long it will last.

Clinging desperately to Thor, Darcy closes her eyes against the feeling that more changes are still coming. She knows this isn't the end for any of them, but she not sure she's ready for whatever happens next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone! I'm so thrilled with the responses to this so far :D Hope this part lives up to the last.


	3. the world is standing still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dangerous adventures and unexpected allies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this update took so long, but it's been a strange month and the chapter took an unexpected twist on me. As always, my mistakes, but sadly not my characters.
> 
> There's some actual violence/bloodshed in this chapter. Not overly graphic, but your mileage may vary, so proceed with caution if necessary.

Steve doesn’t return to New York right away.

A message arrives at the Tower after he’s left the hospital, letting the team know he’s fine, but going off grid for a little while. It isn’t until nearly a month after the D.C. Incident, once all of the committees and officials have been expertly handled by the Black Widow and finally stopped clamouring for Cap to appear, that Steve turns up in the lobby with Sam in tow. Tony, ecstatic over the chance to get his hands on Sam’s wings, convinces them to stay awhile and have JARVIS help them start their search for the Winter Soldier.

Thor, an enthusiastic supporter of Darcy and Steve meeting since he learned their secret, starts hinting that maybe it’s time now, with both of them in the Tower together. Despite worries about Steve’s reaction making her hesitant, Darcy allows Thor to talk her into introductions. He just smiles when Darcy teases him about trying to play matchmaker-- it’s kind of sweet, really, just how invested he is in helping her with all of this.

When the time comes, neither of them expects that first meeting to be quite so disappointing.

> _"Ma'am," Steve looked up from the screen just long enough to acknowledge the introduction before focusing back on the computer. Darcy couldn't help but wince at his disinterested reaction, and out of the corner of her eye she caught Thor frowning. He wasn’t pleased with the way things were going, but her hand on his arm and small shake of her head stopped him before he could speak out. A quiet observation from her that it was clearly a bad time made Thor reluctantly back down. As he looked at her sadly, over his shoulder Darcy noticed the other man, one she vaguely recognized from the D.C. footage. He’d come into the room at some point and was watching the interaction curiously._

It's not that she doesn't understand that he's distracted-- probably more than anyone else _could_ , she understands his need to find Bucky. It doesn't make the unintentional dismissiveness -the _rejection_ , the darkest part of her brain whispers to her- any easier to take though. His overly polite distance and the way he barely even looks at her causes a deep ache in her chest, but she's quick to hide it away. It's not the time for that.

Meeting Sam is a completely different experience. Darcy knows just from the look on his face that he saw her reaction to Steve before she could get a handle on it. He doesn't comment on it, just crosses the room so he can introduce himself, laying the charm on extra thick and flirting outrageously. It makes Darcy laugh, and relax enough to play along. When he gets her to blush, she knows, just as she has with so many others through the years, that he's one of hers too. It's been a long time since she's had this many of them at once though, and she still hasn't met everyone Thor wants her too yet. But as amazing as Sam is, it doesn't diminish the ache in her chest at Steve's reaction. She makes up some excuse to leave, but a flicker on one of the screens distracts her before she can make her getaway.

A large part of Darcy’s success in assisting Jane comes from how good she is at picking out connections in information of any kind, and there is definitely a pattern forming in front of her eyes here. She steps around Sam, eyes narrowing as she taps at the floating screens and starts dragging the relevant points out. Ignoring Steve's objections, Darcy manipulates the available data, pulls the threads together, and comes up with something that makes Steve curse creatively and step up next to her for a better look.

Lost in the new find and informing Sam they have somewhere to start, Steve doesn't notice when Darcy backs away. He's moved too close to her, and even the feeling of rejection hasn't curbed the urge to touch him-- to make sure he's real. But the timing is bad; he wouldn't welcome the distraction right now, so she wishes them good luck before she ducks out of the room.

When Thor eventually catches up with her, his intent is obvious. Darcy cuts him off, saying no to trying again so soon before he even suggests it. Steve doesn’t need the distraction of her presence right now. And while Thor doesn't hide his reluctance, or his objections to her implication that she’s less important than Bucky, he agrees nonetheless, apologizing that it didn't go well. Darcy hugs him, reassuring him that it's not his fault and it will happen when it's meant to. She does make him promise not to push, but it turns out not to matter.

Steve and Sam disappear during the night and it's months before they make it back to the Tower. Gone again as quickly as they appear becomes the new norm for the two men. The information they find still routes back through the Tower regularly for JARVIS to go through, and if Darcy occasionally peeks at things, analyzing the data and making suggestions that lead them in the right direction, JARVIS honours her wishes to keep her involvement a secret. As time passes, and with it more brief stopovers to the Tower, Sam makes a point of seeking her out when they're both around, but Darcy never runs into Steve again.

She's not avoiding him, she lies to herself, she's just very careful to keep busy and out of the way. It's actually surprisingly easy to accomplish without anyone catching on. The only one who notices is Thor, and it's only because he watches the situation so closely now. He doesn't try to make her to change her mind, keeping his promise not to push, only restates his offer to help how he can. He does express concerns that her avoidance will lead to bad events again, and doesn't seem entirely reassured when she promises him that it's not the same as that time-- that it won't come to that. The point is moot anyway, as Steve never stays for long.

Months becomes a year, then more. Missions needing all of the Avengers as a team happen, and celebrating with a post-mission party is a thing Tony starts. It becomes a tradition, one that grows. Soon it's not just after successful group missions, but for any event that warrants it, no matter how small-- and even a few that don't.

Through a combination of luck and careful planning, Darcy manages to be a very minimal presence at the parties. If she's actually in the Tower when they happen, she lingers in the corners and never stays longer than it takes to make sure everyone is okay. It’s something everyone notices, but they don't question too deeply. Darcy always has an excuse to leave, something in the labs she needs to check on, or somewhere she needs to be-- always important enough to need her immediately, and always legit, in case anyone ever tries to check up on her. It's done so masterfully that only Thor, who already knows, realizes that she's doing it on purpose.

Steve finds Bucky, or more accurately, Bucky finds him, almost two years after the D.C. incident. Bucky seeks him out in the aftermath of the Ultron disaster, memories still foggy, but definitely on the mend. It takes another year for him to start really settling in and getting comfortable around the rest of the group. Once he does though, the friendships come surprisingly easy. Even his past with Natasha coming to light doesn’t elicit any kind of tension within the team.

Darcy stops coming to the parties altogether, afraid to face Bucky when his status is still so precarious. The last thing she wants is to trigger memories of past lives when he can barely remember the one he’s currently living. Causing him more pain or setting him back in his recovery is unacceptable, so she's careful enough that he never sees her. JARVIS is immensely helpful with this.

It’s Thor who stays close to her boys, as much as he can, and keeps Darcy informed of the latest developments while he builds his own friendships with them. Even if the serums don't extend their lives, though he suspects that will prove to be true, they are both trapped in the same cycle as Darcy, with however many lives still ahead of them. He’s claimed Darcy as his family now, Thor explains, and they are hers, so his promise to be there extends to them as well.

And while Darcy is grateful for every bit of progress she hears, she aches at being the outsider in it all. Still, this is about what's best for Bucky, she tells herself, and he doesn't need the extra complications that her presence brings-- not until he's settled better. When Thor tells her that Steve and Bucky are tentatively exploring a relationship, she knows she's made the right choice to let them figure things out between themselves first. She hesitates to intrude on their new found happiness, even when she hears they've started looking into their pasts and Connie.

Thor offers to help them, and acts as a kind of proxy for Darcy, slipping them helpful hints whenever they lose the trail. He's surprisingly good at the subterfuge, and her boys never suspect Thor of knowing more than he says. Eventually, Thor admits that he's becoming more uncomfortable with the deception and Darcy calls it off immediately. Even if _she's_ not ready to face them, she refuses to risk Thor's relationship with them-- not any more than she already has. She apologizes to him for it, for thinking only about herself, but he's as understanding as ever about the whole thing, assuring her he would have confronted her sooner if he had been uncomfortable along the way. Another offer is made to introduce them, but she’s not ready yet.

As a compromise, to give him a reason to step back from the search and for her a reason to continue to keep her distance, Thor invites her to come to Asgard. Things have been going on in the nine realms, worrying whispers making their way to the prince, and it's time to return home to find out the truth once and for all. Jane wants to go back now that she's not dying, and Thor agrees, figuring it should be safe enough. They've received approval from Odin already, and Thor’s acceptance of Darcy as a sister guarantees her safe passage among his people if she joins them. It would be appropriate, Thor helpfully points out, to actually introduce her to the King, who is technically her father now too.

She’s not entirely sure how she feels about that fact.

Reluctance is her first reaction. Darcy’s heard the stories of how Jane was treated the last time, but Thor urges her to say yes, extolling the benefits of meeting other Asgardians. Barring anything unexpected, they’ll all likely still be around for many more of her lifetimes, and now that she knows how to contact them, they will all be a part of her lives. She promises to think about it, but it isn’t until Jane asks her to come, for moral support, that Darcy finally decides to go with them.

She almost dies helping oust the imposter king from the throne and restoring the real Odin to power.

> _She was a human shield, carefully kept between him and the gathered crowd, because he knew no one would attack and risk hurting her-- not Thor’s chosen sister. She didn’t try to struggle against his hold, knowing from past experience that he wouldn’t hesitate to kill her if she proved too troublesome. Instead she waited until he was distracted by taunting his -oh god,_ their _?- brother to attempt anything. Moving slowly, Darcy watched as Jane -her clever Jane- figured out what was happening and warned Thor. His attention gained, Darcy mouthed to him to make it count. She had to close her eyes against his horrified expression as she jammed her taser against Loki’s leg and pulled the trigger._

She expects the jolt of electricity that passes through her, but only realises it’s actually a hidden blessing as she barely feels the blade slicing open her neck. The sounds of battle fade in and out around her as she focuses on Jane, hovering over her and desperately trying to staunch the flow of blood.

The fight ends quickly and help is at her side even as her vision starts to go dark around the edges. The cut is shallow enough for them to save her, but even the best healers can't prevent it from leaving a permanent scar. It’s a warrior's mark, Thor tells her later, one recognised and respected by the Asgardians for her help in restoring the rightful king to the throne. Surprisingly enough, it’s actually helpful in the quest for a peaceful alliance between the two realms.

With Loki dealt with and everything restored as it should be, it soon becomes necessary to explain Thor’s claim on her to the King of Asgard. He’s intrigued enough by her story that, in the end, he doesn’t dispute her new status. He asks a lot of questions, especially about her early lives and the abilities she had then, and Darcy answers as much as she can for him. It doesn’t take long before healers, lore masters, and other experts in fields she’s never heard of are brought in as consults-- all just as fascinated, and all just as stumped for an answer. The story spreads to Thor’s friends and beyond, and it just doesn’t feel right to keep it from Jane after that.

Darcy doesn't tell Jane everything, not all the details she once shared with Thor, but enough that she understands. Jane is alternately fascinated and horrified by what she hears, wondering at the science-magic behind it all with the same curiosity that fuels her usual research, but crying over the tragedy of Darcy's path. She isn't angry that Darcy kept it a secret for so long, completely understanding the reluctance to share it-- until she learns just how much of her research since New Mexico has been funded secretly from Darcy’s account. The swearing then is creative enough to make Thor blush, which is all kinds of adorable, and Jane, just like Thor, insists that a visit to the bank is on their list of things to do when they go home.

It’s mostly reflex that Darcy answers back with snark, teasing them both about there being easier ways to see her naked, but it flusters Thor into swift denials-- at least until he notices both women laughing at him. It does take care of the last of the lingering tension between them, and Darcy feels a certain ease as she drifts off listening to her friends -her _family_ \- discussing where they go from here.

Sif and the Warriors Three are around almost as much as Thor, insistent on spending time with her. They are just as fascinated by her story as everyone else and determined to get to know her better, since she's going to be with them from now on. The acceptance comes so easily that a large part of Darcy wishes she’d met them all lifetimes ago. It isn’t hard to love them, and the future, whatever else it holds, suddenly seems so much brighter just by knowing she will always have them waiting for her.

While each of them spends some one on one time with her, separate from the group gatherings, Fandral takes it upon himself to play Darcy’s personal shadow for the remainder of her time in Asgard. He stays by her side, even when she chooses to spend a surprising amount of time with Heimdall-- something he swears she’s doing just to try to chase him off. He keeps her every free moment occupied, from testing her on the training fields to showing her the sights, even sneaking her into some of the shadier taverns around Asgard-- Odin is mildly amused by how well Darcy actually holds up in the resulting brawls. And though Fandral knows she has others waiting for her, the flirting is a constant throughout it all.

If she’s being honest with herself, it’s very tempting to take him up on the offer. It wouldn’t be the first time one of the trio has ended up with someone else-- they all have at one point or another. Sometimes their lives just aren’t set up for that kind of relationship between them. But as she thinks about the men searching for her back home, and everything they’ve been through already, she has to turn Fandral down.

He takes the refusal well, but promises, only half-jokingly, to try again in her next lifetime. When Darcy teases him that she could come back as a man again, Fandral even makes a show of thinking about it before he grins and tells her that, for her, he just might consider it. It makes her laugh, really laugh, for the first time in weeks-- laugh hard enough that Jane tells her she’ll reopen her wound if she doesn’t stop. They all know that’s not actually possible, so it only makes Darcy laugh harder-- laugh until she cries, then breaks, and finally gives in to talking about what happened to her at Loki’s hands.

It helps, and for the first night since it happened, she sleeps undisturbed by nightmares. During her next visit with the healers, she’s deemed finally on the path to true healing, and almost ready to go home. As she makes her way back to her room, with her faithful shadow hovering two steps behind her and unusually silent, she realises that she has been set up. Each of her friends, in their own way, has helped coax her past the unpleasantness she experienced with as little pressure as they could manage. If her gratitude involves lots of hugs, and maybe a few tears, none of them hold it against her.

When the time finally comes to make the trip back to Midgard, they find their group larger by four. Fandral confesses to Darcy that they’re meant to be her personal security team, assigned to follow her everywhere until she’s better and settled safely. He dodges out of the way, laughing, as she responds by throwing a shoe at him. The reality of it turns out to be far more practical. The King, feeling it prudent to learn more about the people his son and heir is spending all his time with, approves the trip as a mix of personal visit and diplomatic mission.

In the end, despite how well _most_ of the trip went, Darcy is glad to go home-- at least until they arrive at the Tower to find a party in full swing. _Everyone_ is there, and Darcy immediately slinks to the back of the group as the cheers ring out for the ones returning home and their new friends. It works for a little while, and Darcy almost makes it out of the room unnoticed, when Sam catches up to her. She hesitates, figuring she’s safe for a few minutes, tucked away in her little corner.

Of course it’s Fandral who destroys all her best laid plans.

With an uncanny sense of timing, he appears just as she pleads exhaustion to Sam. After a quick introduction, Fandral studies her with narrowed eyes for a moment, and she can see the moment he realises exactly what she was trying to do. Of course, he calls her on it.

> _“You wouldn’t be thinking about sneaking out, now would you, Princess?” he asked with the confidence of someone who already knew the answer. She remained silent, hoping he would just let it drop, but knowing in her heart it wouldn’t go that way. Sam watched, fascinated and amused, as Fandral held out his hand for Darcy to take and her resigned sigh as she did._
> 
> _“You weren’t built to hide in corners, Darcy Lewis,” his words, said so seriously, made her blush and look away. He used her moment of distraction to drag her forward and haul her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes._

Darcy knows she can’t get away-- not unless he lets her. It doesn’t stop her from trying though, and she squirms and lets loose some of her more creative curses at him. Fandral pats her on the ass, completely unbothered by her flailing, and spins around a few times so she has to stop swatting at him and grab on. The careful bouncing he adds forces a laugh out of her, even as she promises retribution. He just grins, knowing by her tone that he hasn’t crossed any lines, and continues forcing his way through the crowd. His voice rings loud in the watching silence as he demands Thor convince Darcy to stay and celebrate with them before swinging her down to stand in front of the prince.

One steadying breath, in and out. A second follows, because she _knows_ what will be waiting for her when she turns. Darcy notes Fandral starting to frown on the third breath and turns as she exhales. She just manages a resigned smile at Thor’s apologetic expression, but it fades away as she keeps going until she ends up face to face with Steve and Bucky.

Steve’s face scrunches with confused sadness and something Darcy’s memories tell her is guilt. She can’t stand it, and looks away from the complete lack of recognition in his eyes. He may have remembered everything about their previous lives, but he still hasn’t quite made the connection to her-- not even with her standing right in front of him. Again. But unlike last time, their third is here with them, and Bucky, oh, Bucky is another story altogether-- all shock, and hope, and a few other things that Darcy tries not to think about too deeply at the moment. Despite this being his first time seeing her, he _knows_ her.

The cracked whisper of her name, her _First_ name, has Darcy taking a step back, far too aware of their avidly watching audience. She shoots a panicked look at Thor as Bucky repeats himself, steadier but more urgent, and asks if it’s really her in a language that’s been lost for millennia. From the corner of her eye, she sees the devastated understanding twisting Steve’s expression and responds the only way she can she can think of.

Darcy runs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, I'm stunned by the response to this so far, so thank you all for sticking with me on this one <3


	4. i could never deny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She knew they would follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever. I in no way expected this chapter to take as long as it did, but for a number of reasons that's what happened. It was also getting very long, so what should have been the final chapter has been split up for better flow (and to finally give this thing a much needed update).

It’s not the sudden panic that makes Darcy take off, though it does help spur her on. The instinctual need to keep this between _just_ them, the way it always has been, is more pressing at the moment. The easy acceptance from Jane and the Asgardians hasn’t diminished the long held and well earned fears that made Darcy keep it all a secret in the first place. There were just too many eyes watching them there-- ones who don’t know their secret and might not understand. Everyone upstairs may be some degree of friend to at least one of the trio, but Darcy’s under no illusions about the way they hold the privacy of others so very lightly and gossip worse than anyone she’s ever met. She sees only one real option, and she takes it without a second thought.

She runs.

She knew they would follow.

Time spent training in Asgard has helped her endurance enough to get her where she wants to be, but she knows she can’t possibly outrun two super soldiers if they want to catch her. She’s not even really trying to escape, just putting off the confrontation until she reaches her own space. This needs to happen somewhere private-- somewhere _safe_. She spares a breath to ask JARVIS to privacy lock Thor’s entire floor. It’s easier than being specific, and she knows he won’t mind-- not as long as things work out well.

From above, she hears the footsteps pounding down the stairs after her-- two sets, moving at different paces, and getting closer. The more distant one sounds like it could be jumping whole flights to catch up. Darcy pushes her limits for an extra burst of speed and makes a mental note to thank JARVIS for opening everything ahead of her, to give her a clear path.

She leaves the door open as she reaches her intended location-- an unspoken invitation for them to come in after her. This confrontation is going to happen now and she knows she can’t really run from it. At least here, away from the curious crowd, they might have a chance to figure this out without too much extra drama.

Bucky is the first to catch up, only seconds behind her, but his steps turn cautious as he enters the room. It’s dark, lit only by the glow of the city outside, and Darcy watches his approach in the reflection on the windows as she struggles to catch her breath, desperately trying not to sob. She can hear him moving closer, recognizes he’s making that effort for her benefit, but she can’t bring herself to turn around and face him.

While he doesn’t actually touch her, Bucky steps in close enough that she can feel the heat of him against her back. His breath against her neck as he whispers _that_ name again sends a shiver up her spine. He’s still not speaking English, and she wonders briefly if he even realizes it as he all but begs her to confirm that it’s really her. The reflection in the glass shows Steve entering the room behind them, and Darcy closes her eyes against the sight. The burning tightness in her throat keeps the words locked away, so she just nods, and the audible relief of both men is more than a little heartbreaking.

Footsteps move in a wide arc around her before pausing a few feet away, and when Steve says her name, actually calling her _Darcy_ , she opens her eyes as she looks towards his voice. It’s faint, but she feels the slight pull of her scar when her head turns, and she can't help tensing as his focus shifts to her neck. The muted horror he doesn't quite manage to hide is enough to know that even in the near-dark he can see it. He takes a step forward, one hand reaching out to touch her.

It isn’t exactly a flinch, but Darcy leans away from him, forgetting in that moment that Bucky is still behind her. She startles as her back presses against his chest, and he holds onto her until she regains her footing. In front of them, Steve freezes, hands coming up to show that he’s not a threat.

As soon as Darcy is steady on her feet, Bucky moves carefully around her to stand next to Steve, and something in her _knows_ he did it as much so she can keep an eye on both of them as it is to see what made Steve react. She braces herself for his reaction, because if Steve could see it then Bucky will too. He doesn’t make a sound, but he wears the same heartbroken look he used to get every time Steve got really sick growing up-- something the dissonant rush of Connie’s memories reminds her of.

Bucky breaks the tense silence to ask if they can turn on the lights, but Steve is the one to figure out what the lack of response from JARVIS means after she agrees. He moves to turn it on manually and, with her permission, closes the door to set the privacy mode properly. He doesn't lock them in and is quick to return to his original spot next to Bucky. With her eyes following his reflection in the windows, she can see how careful he is to always leave her an open path to the exit-- an escape route so she doesn't feel cornered. With the carefully measured distance reestablished, Steve falls silent again, casting guilty-sad glances at her neck that she has to look away from.

Again, it's Bucky who breaks the silence, this time to ask why she ran. Darcy hears the shakiness of her own voice as she struggles with the words to explain that there were too many people watching them at the party-- too many who would look at the overwhelmed outpouring of emotions as entertainment. To have one of them surprise her so publicly hit too many of those old nerves about sharing their secret and the deep-rooted fears that go along with it. She panicked and couldn't stay there-- not even for them. She just barely resists making a crack about how at least she didn't pass out this time, but she holds back. Neither of them know about _that_ yet, and she'd like to keep it that way as long as she can.

She's not surprised by Bucky's neutral tone as he comments on her knowing about them, but not coming to them in all the time he’s been around-- not even for an introduction. It’s so carefully worded to _not_ be an accusation that it’s almost worse than if he’d actually lashed out. It had to hurt, knowing that she was avoiding them. Darcy stares down at the floor, biting her bottom lip and pulling on every bit of restraint she has to not look at Steve. She made her choice and has to live with the guilt of it. There’s no need to implicate him in anything. But while she’s trying to find the words to explain, Steve decides to step in with an answer of his own-- one that destroys any plans she had to leave his part out of it.

> _“I think that would be my fault,” Steve waved off Darcy's attempts to protest, telling her not to sugarcoat it. That he used his Captain voice to do it stunned her into silence, and she could only stare as he explained to Bucky about their first meeting and how he’d driven her away._
> 
> _At no point did Steve try to excuse his behavior, admitting it took him longer than it should have, and some prodding from Sam, to realize what he’d done. His voice cracked as he tried to explain that by the time he’d worked up the nerve to apologize, Darcy had already started avoiding him. In an effort to not make things worse, Steve had kept his distance too, and by the time Bucky entered the picture, Darcy had faded into the background like a ghost in the Tower any time they were around._
> 
> _“I was so focused on helping you that I buried the guilt and didn’t make the effort I should have to fix things with Darcy.”_

Bucky sighs, interrupting to call them both idiots. It’s not meant as an insult, his tone that odd mix of exasperation and fondness that she - _Connie_ \- heard directed at Steve so often while they were growing up. After a few seconds of silence, Bucky blinks and stammers out an apology to Darcy for slipping into something so familiar. Whatever the longer, more complicated history between them, they are still strangers who are meeting for the first time.

Darcy forces a small laugh, admitting that he’s not  _wrong_ , and it earns her a weak smile. A small truce maybe, but still a step in the right direction. The way things are, every advance is a success. There is a sense of ease with Bucky that she hasn't felt with someone for so long, since the last time their connection was complete over a century ago. It feels good to have that again, even though there is still so much in the way. It gives her an uncomfortable jolt when Steve turns his attention to her, so sincere as he apologizes for his behavior, and for not recognizing her.

Darcy glances at Bucky as she points out that neither of them have ever recognized her at first sight before. She has no doubt that he can read her lingering unease, given how closely he watches the fidgeting she can’t seem to stop. She can’t sustain the look when he lets out a soft _oh_ of understanding and whispers that it's part of why she ran. There’s no real point in trying to deny it, but her attention shifts back to Steve as the words slip out. As uncomfortable as it is to lay it all out so plainly, they deserve the truth from her.

It comes easier than she thought it would, explaining how it hurts when they don’t know her, but that’s how it always is in the beginning. They’ve never really discussed it before, but sadness and anger are not the reactions she expects when she shrugs it off, saying she should be used to it by now.

Steve cuts off that train of thought before Darcy can follow it very far, apologizing again, and insisting that it shouldn’t have happened this time-- how could he not recognize her when he remembered everything else? This time, when he steps towards her, Darcy doesn’t back away. It’s only a couple of steps closer, not enough to touch her, but she thinks it’s progress in the right direction.

As he apologizes again, ignoring her insistence that he doesn’t have to, Darcy realizes that unless she takes the decisive step right now, this pattern they’ve already fallen into, this ongoing loop of self-blame, will just keep repeating.

She holds her left hand out to Steve, cursing internally that all her effort can’t quite keep it from trembling. Before he can comment on it, Darcy takes a quick breath and pushes ahead, suggesting that they make a fresh start. His eyes go so wide at the offer that they suddenly seem huge in his face. It reminds her painfully of the man she - _Connie_ \- grew up with, skinny and awkward, but so ready to challenge the world. He wore a similar look after she - _Connie_ \- kissed him the first time, all shock and poorly buried longing-- though she’ll admit it _is_ a nice change to see relief instead of guilt this time.

He reaches for her, movements cautious as he watches for any hesitation. Seeing none, his fingers slide against hers, light and unsure. When she still doesn’t pull away, his other hand comes up, wrapping hers in both of his. It gives her pause that, somehow, incongruously, his hands are still the same artist’s hands she remembers-- only larger and so much warmer.

Neither of them move for a long moment, him watching her face as she looks down at their hands. He gives a careful squeeze, and she feels the burn of suppressed tears in her throat. She takes a step back with a ragged gasp, pulling her hand away and rubs roughly at her face. Staring at the ceiling, blinking rapidly in a futile attempt to keep the tears from falling, Darcy needs to make them understand something important-- the biggest part of why she ran, and why she avoided so carefully for so long.

> _“I’m not Connie,” the words slipped out without permission, rough and feeling like they were ripped from her throat. Darcy hissed in a breath through clenched teeth, nails digging into her palms. She heard the distress and the undisguised sounds of movement toward her through the blood rushing in her ears. She looked at them again as she shook her head and took a step back. They both froze again. Cutting them off as they expressed their concern and confusion, Darcy struggled with the words to explain her reaction-- that they’re still the same men,_ Connie’s _Steve and Bucky, but things are different now. “You were meant for_ her _, and I’m_ not… her _. Not anymore.”_
> 
> _The look Bucky gave her was so full of understanding that the tears finally spilled over._

Darcy stares down at the floor as her hands come up to cover her eyes. With her sleeves hooked over her thumbs, she wipes futilely at her cheeks. The sounds of movement come just before Bucky’s shoes enter her line of sight, but she doesn't back away this time. After a moment of hesitation, she looks up, eyes blurring with fresh tears as she sees him standing in front of her with his hand offered. It’s the same way she offered hers to Steve, only Bucky’s hand remains steady. He waits patiently, but there something in his eyes-- he looks haunted. It hits her like a punch to the chest.

He knows exactly what she means.

It makes a twisted kind of sense that he would get it. The kind of life he's lived since Connie knew him, with the things he's done-- been forced to do? Of course he's not the same man he was from before the war. Neither of them are really, but the change in Steve is something less than for either of them-- underneath the physical stuff, he's still the same man.

Part of her wonders if Bucky’s obvious sympathy comes from having to make a similar declaration to Steve somewhere in the not so distant past.

When Bucky does speak, his voice is soft, almost soothing, as he introduces himself. Still feeling a little vulnerable, Darcy takes a calming breath before she takes his hand and offers her own name in return.

> _"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Darcy Lewis," he didn't comment on the way her voice wavered, just lifted her hand to press a kiss against her knuckles. There was something proper, yet oddly, familiarly, intimate about it. It made her blush and wish things were different-- that she wasn't tear-streaked and on the edge of breaking, and facing him as a stranger. Her heart ached at the way his next words faltered. "Can I... Would it be okay if I hugged you? Please? Just... Can I just hold you for a minute?"_
> 
> _She didn't have it in her to deny him that-- not when she wanted it just as desperately._

She nods, fresh tears spilling over as Bucky steps forward, moving to her instead of tugging her to him. It’s such a little thing, but it says so much at the same time. He doesn’t let go of her hand until the last possible moment, and then only so he can wrap his arms around her as he buries his face in the crook of her neck. Darcy feels his breathing, ragged with the released tension as she curls into him, and fails to choke back her own sobbing as she hides her face against his chest. He strokes her back, whispering her name and incomprehensible words she thinks are meant to calm her. When he falls silent, his hands clutching at her, she doesn’t comment on the tears she feels against her skin. All she can do is hold him tighter.

Eventually, the need for a clear breath makes Darcy turn her head, resting her cheek against Bucky's shoulder. Eyes clear for the moment, she sees Steve hanging back. He's watching them, his eyes glassy with unshed tears, and he's practically vibrating with the effort to hold himself back. The longing is so obvious that she can almost _feel_ how badly he wants to join them. It's absolutely heartbreaking, and she can't bear to watch it. Closing her eyes, Darcy unwraps one arm from around Bucky to stretch it out blindly toward Steve-- the most explicit invitation for him to join them that she can manage with her throat too tight to speak. This time her hand remains steady.

After a moment that feels like it drags on for ages, but can only really have been seconds, Steve takes it. His hand continues up her arm as he steps in from the side, still careful to not box her in as he wraps his arms around them both. Darcy feels the shaky huff of his breath as he presses his cheek into her shoulder. Unlike Bucky, Steve doesn't fall silent, murmuring fierce protests against her claim that they weren't meant for her. His reassurances bring on a wave of fresh tears, and not just from her.

They stay like that, supporting each other through the crying and shaking. The shock of finally finding each other again is intense, and worse than normal with how different everything has been. They don't move until a soft tapping at the door startles them out of the whispered reassurances they trade. Darcy breaks from the embrace first, but Steve and Bucky seem reluctant to let her go. Their hands linger as she slips away from them to answer the door.

It’s not a surprise to find Thor on the other side. They’d been so caught up in each other that they hadn’t realized how long they’d been gone, and Thor admits he volunteered to come check on them to keep the others away. He glances between the three of them for a long moment before asking if they had been good or bad tears. His voice drops to the growl that had become so familiar to Darcy in Asgard, the one he uses to tease his friends, as he demands if he has to hurt someone. It’s a playful threat, no doubt intended to make her laugh, even if she knows he wouldn’t hesitate to follow through if she ever asked him to. The tense silence from the room behind her suggests that neither Bucky nor Steve recognize that though.

Darcy doesn't hesitate to let Thor know things are okay and invites him in to see for himself. Thor looks them all over, taking his time in observing them before declaring how pleased he is that they have found each other at last. As he asks her boys - _No, not hers. Not yet_ \- about how they're adjusting, something in his phrasing clicks for Steve. He questions that Darcy told Thor everything, as she's always been the least trusting of the three of them, and the most protective of their secrets. Thor frowns, wondering that Darcy hadn't told _them_  what _she_  knows, and she fidgets under the scrutiny of all three men as she offers that they hadn't got to that part yet.

When that answer doesn't seem to appease their curiosity, she tells them she needs a minute and falls silent, curling up in the corner of one of the smaller couches, and tugging at Thor’s sleeve until he sits beside her. His arm goes around her shoulder, pulling her in close as he settles. Darcy curls into him, pausing to just soak in the calm support he offers as he distracts Bucky and Steve. They have a few issues they need to get out into the open between them, so she drifts into her own thoughts a little, trying to figure out how to say the things she needs to say while they talk.

The discussion seems to go smoothly, but there's an odd tension she's not used to feeling from Thor. It takes Darcy a few minutes before she catches onto why, seeing Steve and Bucky exchange looks before eyeing her and Thor again. She rubs at her temple as she's bombarded with Connie's memories of other times she's seen looks like that. It's a step beyond the curiosity she would have expected-- more like suspicion, mixed with jealousy. She curls in tighter against Thor, just to see what they do, and it happens again, those looks. She feels Thor's arm twitch and knows he’s figured out what she's doing.

Darcy breaks the sudden, uncomfortable silence.

> _"Keep looking at my_ brother _like that, and I'll show you exactly how I earned my title as Lightning Princess of Midgard." There was no hint of a joke in her tone, she made sure of it. They didn't need to know the name started as an insult by those who underestimated her, or how quickly they learned to regret it._
> 
> _"You did not tell them about_ that _either," Thor turned enough to stare down at her, curious but without judgment. She pointed out that he'd interrupted before they'd got to that part too, and he shook with suppressed laughter. An_ almost _private conversation later, one consisting of gestures and words in a language she's still learning but that the boys don't know, and they agree it’s a talk that needs to happen._
> 
> _"You know, I wouldn't have expected to get so much shade about any relationships I_ might _have from two guys I barely know, who are currently dating each other."_

Her point made, Darcy pulls her legs up to her chest and wraps her arms around her knees, watching as the soldiers squirm. She doesn’t need Connie’s memories to recognize those guilty looks for what they are, especially as Thor starts to explain exactly what lead up to Darcy telling him everything and why he responded the way he did.

They don’t even try to interrupt, alternately curious and horrified as Thor gives them the short version of Darcy’s repeated trips to medical and what that led to. Steve and Bucky only start to relax when they learn Thor's adoption of her is mostly a symbolic position, with no real power and no chance at inheriting the throne. It makes her slightly less of a target, and they admit to Thor they feel better about that.

While she understands the sentiment, Darcy can't help the thread of annoyance at their presumption that _she's_ the one who needs protection. Just because she isn't juiced up with serum like them, doesn't mean she can't take care of herself. She's held her own against _gods_ , excuse you very much.

She doesn't realize she's been mumbling away about it in their newly shared alien tongue until Thor chuckles, murmuring back something to calm her before taking the soldiers to task for it on her behalf.

While Steve seems surprised, Bucky is nothing but impressed by the tales Thor spins about her abilities when confronted with Asgardian opponents. He adds, almost as an afterthought, though his expression says otherwise, that from what he's heard it's the two of them who always die first, so perhaps they're the ones who need the extra protection.

Darcy muffles a laugh against Thor's shoulder, trying to play it off as a cough, though she knows she didn't fool anyone. It's not funny, really, since at least a few of those deaths, especially in the early days, were because of her in some way, but the looks on their faces are kind of hilarious to her. It's like Thor simultaneously insulted their manhood and stole their puppy-- an odd mix of offended and crushed. She’s not above blaming the reaction on her frazzled nerves. It’s been a long, emotional day.

Thanks to the rush of her - _Connie's_ \- memories, of back alleys and bloody brawls, she recognizes that Steve looks ready to pick a fight before he does more than shift forward in his seat. Darcy sighs at how little some things have changed.

Thinking it might be safer, Darcy speaks up, shifting the conversation to point out that the honor and protection she’s been granted extends to them as well. They are, in their own unique way, already a part of the family. Their connection to her gives them positions as her consorts-- unofficial until she names them otherwise and they agree, of course.  Judging by their faces, that thought hadn't occurred to either of them. Aware that Thor fought hard for a lot of those conditions, Darcy hugs him again, caught up in the rush of gratitude at that extra little bit of insurance to help them through this cycle.

A thought hits her, and Darcy ponders aloud whether it all means they can take things slow this time around-- let things develop at a more normal pace. There is a long silence where they all exchange glances, but before it can grow too awkward Steve speaks up. He suggests that between the serums, the additional protections from Asgard, and how different things had been this lifetime, that it's probably the safest they’ve been for a long time.

He only glances at Darcy’s neck twice as he says it.

Bucky weighs in, agreeing that taking things slow might be a good idea under the circumstances-- and a nice change of pace. It's been too many lifetimes since they've had that kind of chance. Even Thor approves their choice to get to know each other first, or as he put it, to have a proper courtship.

Darcy only teases him a little about the overprotective big brother act.

With a minimal amount of drama, they agree to take their chances and not rush anything-- something they’ve rarely had the opportunity to indulge in. Darcy is secretly, or maybe not so secretly if the way both men look at her like they can tell, relieved to have more time to come to terms with all of this.

The only real sticking point comes during the discussion of what, and when, they should tell everyone else. Darcy insists it should be _if_ , not _when_ \-- not sure enough of all the others yet to feel right sharing. Her time avoiding the boys means she's still somewhat unfamiliar with a few members of the team. Steve thinks they can trust their allies, and though Thor agrees, he doesn't feel it's his decision to make-- he's got secrets of his own he’s obliged to keep. Bucky leans more to Darcy’s side of things, reluctant to trust everyone so easily. It takes a while, and Steve isn’t very happy about it, but it's eventually agreed that they'll hold off for a little while and see how things progress.

> _"If they ask, we'll tell them_ we _met before," Bucky directed the suggestion to Darcy. "Offer no details, just tell them it's private." Before Steve could protest, Bucky interrupted to point out that if their teammates really are as trustworthy as Steve said, they wouldn't pressure for more of an answer after that. If they tried to force it, or dig, it would be proof they were right to hold back. As an added bonus, it would explain why Darcy avoided them so completely when he finally showed up. If she'd met the Soldier first, it would make sense she'd be wary of seeing him again-- and explain why she ran away._
> 
> _"I don't like the idea of lying to them like that," Steve admitted, but agreed to go along with it for their sake. For a little while at least. Bucky was still settling in with the group too, and maybe in time that trust would come._

They spend a little longer discussing things, clarifying some of the details before Darcy’s yawning starts becoming intrusive. Thor insists they let her get some rest and after saying their good nights, including hugs all around, Darcy heads off to her room to sleep, leaving the men to continue the discussion without her.

 

 


	5. if you give me time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The course of true love never did run smooth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I expected this to be the final chapter, but as the word count got closer to 10k and I still wasn't close to covering everything, it just made sense to split it up (again).

As time passes, they work at building a solid friendship, letting Darcy get to know the men they've become since Connie knew them, and giving Steve and Bucky the chance to know Darcy independent from who she was before. It is a smooth transition most of the time, but like any developing relationship there are stumbles along to way-- usually when they try to stretch their boundaries too fast.

Surprisingly, one of the biggest ongoing hurdles is Steve's continuing attempts to make up for their first meeting, despite their agreement to move past it. It does the opposite of what he intends, and instead of putting Darcy at ease, every new apology, each overeager attempt to rehash the thing they'd both agreed to put behind them that night, just sets her on edge. More often than not it drives her into avoiding both of them in favor of the Asgardians, who've stayed close and are always glad to have her company.

It's during one of these times that Fandral, who has stuck with his self-appointed role as her personal bodyguard, confesses to Darcy that while he has actually grown quite fond of Bucky, he gets a certain vindictive thrill out of making Steve squirm for his repeated screw-ups-- especially because everyone else seems all too willing to just let the bad behavior slide.

A small part of Darcy, the part that still stings over what happened and his stubborn refusal to move on from it now, desperately wants to cheer Fandral on for it. The part of her that was willing to offer Steve a fresh start because, despite it all, she loves him already- _still_ -, squashes that feeling and tells Fandral to tone it down. She's ready to make it an order if she has too, but it’s an unnecessary step, and the conversation turns out to not be as big of an issue as she thought. Fandral shrugs it off with a roll of his eyes and teases her about going soft, but the next time she catches him at it, it’s less vicious-- closer to the way he acts with Bucky. When she rewards him with a kiss on the cheek for his improved behavior, Fandral responds with over-the-top swooning that has Sam threatening to turn a hose on him.

> _“Those sound like the words of a jealous man, my friend.” Darcy giggled when, even though he wasn’t familiar with the threat, Fandral brushed the words off with a grin. Seeing Sam’s slight falter at the tease, she also made a mental note to offer him a willing ear for whenever he wanted to talk about it as she leaned over to kiss him as well._
> 
> _“For fairness sake,” she assured the exaggeratedly pouting Asgardian. Her grin was only slightly devious as she kissed Sam’s other cheek. "That one's because he's more awesome than you."_
> 
> _It made Sam laugh, but when Sif and Volstagg started to taunt their fellow warrior, Darcy recognized the expression on Fandral's face from their many tavern adventures. That look meant trouble. She hauled herself over the back of the couch, leaving a startled Sam to watch as Fandral launched over the furniture to give chase. Rowdy cheers from the Asgardians followed their game of cat and mouse around the room until Fandral tackled her to the floor, tickled her into submission, and extracted an apology._
> 
> _"Is this any way to treat a princess?" Darcy huffed after she promised to resume her training. Fandral traced a finger along her scar, reminding her she was also a warrior, and it would be wrong to not treat her as such._
> 
> _"Besides which, you would seek terrible vengeance against me if I truly treated you like a princess." Darcy laughed. He wasn't wrong._
> 
> _She pointedly ignored the looks Steve and Bucky got as they watched the easy affection she displayed with her other friends._

Just like when it happened with Thor that first night, she has no patience for their suspicions and doesn’t bother to hide it. Like that night, it takes Thor stepping in for it to really stop. When they eventually talk about it, Bucky is apologetic, promising to do better, but Steve defaults back to his guilty behavior again. It's frustrating, and Darcy schedules sparring sessions with Sif to channel those feelings in a healthy way.

Darcy doesn’t know if Steve finally figures it all out or if someone confronts him about it, no one will admit to anything, but he starts to calm down and the apologies start to happen less often. He still gives her odd looks from time to time though, ones that he doesn't explain no matter who asks him. Eventually, Bucky has a talk with him about it making Darcy uncomfortable, something she hadn't admitted but must have become obvious. Steve doesn't stop entirely, but he attempts to be more discreet about it after that. It continues to weird her out.

While dealing with Steve seems to be an ongoing battle, what is probably the biggest single blowout happens a few months in, after they've had some time to get to know each other better. Bucky finally confronts her about why she stayed away, wanting to know what she hadn't told them that first night. He doesn't let it go, pushing the issue until she finally snaps and tells him the truth-- that she worried her being around would break him.

> _"I didn't know you remembered," and the frustration of being forced to have the discussion right then left her just short of yelling. She took a breath and concentrated on keeping her voice down to a more normal volume. "How could I?"_
> 
> _Darcy paced the room in discomfort over Bucky's unnerving stillness as she explained her choices to him. As reluctant as she was to poke at those wounds, he deserved the truth from her. Connie had died not knowing either of her boys had remembered their shared history, and anything Darcy knew now was what little information Thor or Sam could tell her-- that after what he'd been through, he barely remembered being Bucky half the time. Darcy hadn't want to trigger the old memories and risk making things more difficult for him._
> 
> _"I didn't want to get in your way. You had enough going on without me adding more complications." She'd forced herself to be patient, to wait until he was in a better place before she became an intrusion on his recovery and relationship._

Bucky's completely blank by the end, hiding behind the Soldier mask. He doesn't say a word, not about any of it-- at least not to her. As soon as Darcy finishes her explanation, Bucky turns and walks away. Within the hour, she hears that he's packed a bag and left the Tower.

After a week and an unpleasant confrontation with Steve, in which he demands to know what happened and lashes out when she finally tells him the truth, things change again. He's upset, she knows that, but it doesn't make it any easier to face his disappointment. She snaps back at him just as hard, demanding to know what he thinks she should have done that wouldn't have risked Bucky's recovery.

> _“I’m not a mind reader, Steve.” Darcy knew she was yelling, could hear the sharpness of her tone, but was too worked up to hold back with him anymore. She felt bad enough for driving Bucky away without Captain America guilt tripping her-- and it was definitely Cap doing the questioning this time. "_ You _said_ maybe _twenty words to me before I came back from Asgard, and you two weren't exactly being open about that stuff with anyone else.”_
> 
> _She paused then, as much to take a deep breath and try to calm down as it was to give him a chance to say something. He didn't-- his unreadable mask not slipping for a second. Only the visible clenching of his jaw gave any hint that he was angry. Fed up with being stared at like that, like some unknown thing that needed to be studied-_ a _threat_ , her mind taunted _-Darcy caved to the feelings weighing down on her._
> 
> _"He was improving without me there to get in the way," her voice was firm. If there was a hint of sadness there too, she knew it was faint enough that Steve wouldn’t recognize it for what it was. He didn’t know her well enough for that. "It was safest for him not to risk having me around. Given the information I was working with, I would do it again. In a heartbeat."_

Faced with such a strong reaction, Steve doesn't even wait for her to finish talking before he turns and walks away-- silent, the same way Bucky was. It takes even less time than before for the news to circulate that Steve had left to go after Bucky.

Heartbroken, but resigned to paying for her choices, Darcy spends most of the next week locked in her rooms refusing to see anyone. She needs time alone to come to grips with what happened.

Since finding out how different things were this time around, she feared this happening-- the two of them leaving together without her. Knowing she is the odd one out in the relationship is one thing; it is something else entirely to have it confirmed so blatantly. But like it or not, she brought this on herself.

On the fifth day, Fandral and Sif decide she’s been alone long enough and force their way in. Over the next few days, Jane and the rest of the Asgardians join them too. No one tries to make Darcy do anything different, they just remain close so she knows someone is there for her if and when she needs it. It's almost like those early days after Loki's defeat and, like the last time, bonding with the Asgardians slowly eases her out of her distress. By the end of the second week the nightmares have all but stopped and Darcy is almost ready to face the real world again. Just in time too, as Fandral has spent entirely too much time on the internet and Netflix and gets more insistent every day about how long it will be before they get to start playing sleepover games.

The first bit of news Darcy hears upon rejoining reality is that Steve and Bucky have been back for almost a week and trying to see her, but her protectors have kept them away. She's not sure whether she is upset or grateful for that. On the one hand, she was in no state to be dealing with them, but to have that choice made for her without even asking was walking a line that she's not entirely comfortable with. They talk it out and she forgives them because they had the best intentions, but also makes them promise that it won't happen again.

Figuring things out with Bucky and Steve is a little more complicated.

It takes a couple extra days for her to work up the nerve to meet with both of them, and a bit of a fight to convince the Asgardians to let her do it alone. She loves that they care so much, but they need to let her figure this one out on her own. Checking with JARVIS to make sure they are in their suite, Darcy makes her way there. Last time the confrontation had been on her terms and in her space, it seems only fair that this time is their turn.

JARVIS must have warned them she was coming because the door opens as soon as her knuckles touch it. Bucky reaches for her right away, but stops short of actually touching her. Darcy bites the inside of her cheek to fend off the urge to cry when he steps back to give her room and invites her in.

She hasn't spent much time in their private rooms, but enough to navigate the space. Almost on autopilot, each step leads her closer to their living room, hyper aware of Bucky trailing just behind her the whole way. They act the proper hosts, trying to get her to sit, make herself more comfortable, offering her a drink-- polite, but distant. And tense. She turns down the offers, resisting the urge to pace as she gathers her thoughts.

Steve tries to start the conversation, but cuts off whatever he plans to say when she holds up her hand to stop him-- asking if she can say something first. Steve and Bucky exchange one of those looks where they have an entire conversation without actually using words, and eventually Steve nods. Taking a deep breath, Darcy launches into her speech, apologizing for hiding from them and the hurt it caused.

> _"I should have done it a long time ago. I could have come up with a better way, tried harder-- done something,_ anything _, else." She kept her focus mainly on Bucky, since the choices she'd made had been about trying to protect him, even if that meant protecting him from herself. She was well aware going into this thing with them that she would be a distant third as far as Steve was concerned. He had already made it more than clear that his priority was Bucky, with his own guilty conscience coming second. Bucky was the one she needed to win over._
> 
> _"You did what you thought you had to," despite looking like he wanted to interrupt in many places, Bucky waited until she'd finished before saying his piece. He didn't blame her for making that choice, given what she knew at the time. This thing between them wasn't easy, this time even more than most, and she'd always been the most cautious of them. He asked her to sit again, then moved to be beside her when she did. "It wasn’t just that was it?”_
> 
> _Darcy had to look away from him then. It didn't stop him from continuing the train of thought, nor Steve from watching it all in tense silence._
> 
> _“You said it that first night, you don’t think you belong with us. We told you that wasn’t true,” he stopped and reached over to take her hand, cautiously like he thought she’d pull away. She didn’t. “We said it, but we haven’t done a very good job of proving it, have we?”_

As much as she wants to protest that, she can't find the words for it. He's not exactly wrong. For every step they've taken forward, they seem to slip back one soon after. For every good moment they share, there's another that sends Darcy into retreat among the Asgardians. It’s not that they don’t try, but with the story they spun for the rest of the team, it's only in the company of Jane and the Asgardians that they've been free to explore their relationship without prying eyes watching their every move. It’s definitely put a strain on things.

In the end, Bucky and Steve live together, train together, and fight together-- all things they haven't included Darcy in. With everything else going on in their lives, it has been rare to spend time alone as just the three of them. It’s safe to say that none of them has put in the full effort required to make this thing really work. It’s a hard conversation for all three, involving more apologies and quite a few tears, but they spend the next few hours discussing ways to make this thing between them work-- and to keep another situation like this from happening again.

As difficult as it is to talk it out, it helps, and things slowly start to improve. 

They have their scares, of course. Steve goes off to fight, just as he always has, and Bucky follows every time. Occasionally injuries land them both in medical-- things that would have killed them if it weren't for the serum running through their veins. Darcy struggles to keep her freak outs a secret, but they eventually catch on. The conversation that follows is not pleasant for any of them, and while it doesn’t keep it from happening, they do _try_ to be more careful after that.

Despite their assurances, Darcy continues to have doubts about her place with Steve and Bucky. As right as things feel most of the time, there are moments that it still feels off. There’s something that hasn’t quite clicked between the three of them, not the way it usually does, and though she has her suspicions about what it is, she can’t bring it up. If she’s wrong it will just upset everyone, but it would be so much worse if she’s right. She’s not ready for the consequences of following that path, so she waits. She buries the feeling as much as she can, determined to ignore it as long as possible, and hopes it will resolve itself naturally with time.

Surprisingly, although less so the more she thinks about it, Steve is the first one to kiss her.

They get caught under a suspiciously convenient sprig of mistletoe, just about as cliche as it could get really, and clearly set up by Bucky-- his eager grin and the longing heat in his eyes as he watches them gives him away. Before Darcy can call him on it, an obviously nervous Steve leans in and kisses her. It’s a little bit awkward, just a quick brush of lips, and he pulls away before she has any real chance to respond. He fidgets as he watches her, a line forming between his eyebrows as he sneaks unsure glances at Bucky.

Darcy flinches almost imperceptibly as Connie’s memories push to the front for a moment, the images overlapping with the now in a dissonantly perfect way. She can’t quite contain a shaky giggle-snort, and Steve’s voice takes on that oh so familiar worried tone as he questions if she’s okay-- because of course he noticed the twitch. She attempts to wave off the concern, but it doesn’t seem to reassure him at all as she bites off another shaky laugh. Taking a breath to stall, she finally admits that the kiss _may_ have been even more awkward than his first.

Darcy starts to worry she said the wrong thing as the stunned silence drags on. She fidgets, trying to come up with something, _anything_ , to say that might cut the tension, when Bucky starts to laugh. As it goes on, she wonders if maybe cackling would be a better word for it. It’s like he can’t stop, choking for lack of breath as tears run down his cheeks. Whether the reaction is at the shared memory or at the horrified look on Steve’s face remains unclear. Darcy bites her lip as the part of her that used to be Connie reminds her that Bucky probably hasn’t laughed like that since before he was drafted.

Steve doesn’t take long to recover, his teeth clenching as he stares between the two of them. Darcy recognizes the stubborn set of his jaw, and her breath hitches as he focus shifts solely to her with a sudden intensity. Faster than she can follow the movements, his arm shoots out, snagging her around the waist and tugging her against him. His voice drops to a low growl, one that walks the fine line between tease and threat as he promises to show her _exactly_ how much he’s learned since then. He stops short, just before their lips meet, waiting for any hesitation from her. Unable to find the words under the heated look he’s giving her, Darcy manages a tiny nod to reassure him. This time he doesn’t hold back.

It’s all she can do to cling to his shirt in a desperate bid to keep herself standing as her knees threaten to give out. She’s conscious that Bucky has stopped laughing with a ragged curse, and the awareness that he’s not just _watching_ , but _enjoying_ , sends a thrum of heat through her. She pulls Steve closer.

Steve finally stops when she whimpers, leaving her panting for air. He’s just far enough away that she can feel the drag of his lips against hers as he speaks, all but begging to be allowed to do that again. Instead of trying to find words, Darcy pulls him back into another kiss-- this time with her in control. It’s slower, lingering, and just filthy enough that Steve looks dazed when she pulls back to give him permission to repeat the experience as often as he likes. She bites off a low whine as he gives her that slow grin that makes her squirm at the promise in it before leaning back in to kiss her again-- he's definitely learned some things since Connie.

She pulls away with a gasp as Bucky lips brush her ear, his voice teasing as he tells her she doesn’t know what she’s gotten herself into with an offer like that. A barely there kiss against her cheek and Bucky repeats the action on Steve before stepping around them to go into the kitchen.

Bucky doesn’t kiss her that night, content to watch the careful advance and retreat between her and Steve with a satisfied look. He waits,  _the tease_ , building the anticipation with near touches and low whispers of exactly what he hopes to do with her-- wicked promises that haunt her in the best and most aggravating ways. He finally makes his move a few weeks later, cornering her away from everyone at the annual Stark New Years Eve party.

He tugs her into a secluded alcove, away from the too-observant eyes of everyone who still watches the three of them a little too closely for comfort-- all except for Steve, who slips away with them. Bucky backs her against the wall, caging her in without actually touching her by planting his hands on the wall at her sides. He very clearly seeks her permission, and gives her every chance to walk away. Darcy tilts her head up in a slight nod as she whispers her consent-- she knows Bucky prefers to actually hear it. When he finally kisses her, she's surprised, though she doesn't know why, at how careful, almost reverent it is.

Nothing except his mouth touches her, making a slow exploration that leaves her breathless and aching for something more. But it’s just a kiss. His hands stay pressed to the wall, his body close but not actually touching her. After everything he’s said over the past few weeks, the anticipation they’ve built, it’s a little frustrating. She wants to _feel_ him, _desperately_ , but she lets him proceed as he wants-- it’s enough for now.

Darcy had almost forgotten how good he was at this,- _Lies. All lies. She’d never forgotten this. Not for a second_ -and she’s dazed when Bucky pulls back, just enough to check that she’s okay before he presses in again, and finally, _finally_ , kisses her the way she’s been longing for. He doesn’t hold back this time, pinning her with his body, hands eager against her without crossing any lines. They are still in public, after all.

The brush of fabric against her arm lets her know Steve has moved in closer, and she feels his hands tucking her hair out of the way, then Bucky’s, to give himself a better view. He just watches for a while, but eventually leans in, murmuring praise as his lips trail across both of their skin. It’s almost seamless how the next time Bucky pulls back, Steve tilts Darcy’s head towards him and takes over the kiss. It doesn’t slow Bucky down in the slightest, his lips dragging down her throat and lower.

Their combined focus is on her for the moment, and it’s _glorious_.

Darcy holds out for as long as she can before breaking away with a gasped demand that they kiss each other as well. It’s something she hasn’t seen from them yet-- they’ve tried to be discreet about their relationship around her while figuring out the new dynamic between the three of them. Keeping her pinned in place with his body, Bucky turns his head to oblige her request, and without letting go of either of them, Steve leans into him. From her position, Darcy just sees the pink flash of Steve’s tongue as he licks into Bucky’s mouth, forcing a groan out of him that Darcy feels where she’s pressed against his chest.

Biting her lip to muffle the whimper- _because_ damn _are they a beautiful sight together_ -she tries to hold back, really she does, but with the temptation _right there_ , she can’t resist pressing her mouth to the exposed stretch of Bucky's throat. She gives in to the urge and darts her tongue out to taste his skin, grinning as this time _he_ whines.

They’re all left panting when he breaks away from the kiss, and Bucky stares at Darcy with the kind of intensity that actually makes her blush. The drag of his right thumb along her bottom lip leaves her shivering, and the reaction earns a satisfied smirk. His voice drops to a teasing whisper as he wishes her a Happy New Year. Unable to hold in the shaky giggling, she buries her face against his chest, suddenly overcome by the feeling of _too much_. Clinging tighter, she feels Bucky’s arms wrap reassuringly around her, and Steve curling around both of them soon after. Steve’s repeated whispers that she’s theirs are almost lost as the muffled sounds of cheering and fireworks happen in the distance. It reminds her of that first night, and how right it felt to be together.

Once they're given permission, rarely a day goes by where at least one of the boys doesn't track her down just to sneak in a kiss or two.

Steve approaches it like the tactician he is, taking every opportunity to gather new intel, and applying it in the most effective way. With him, it almost feels like he's on a mission-- testing her reactions and cataloging her responses for what works and what doesn’t. While he's always careful to leave her smiling, the negative part of her that she's still trying to tune out worries that he's focusing more on learning her than actually being with her just for the enjoyment of it.

Bucky, on the other hand, has the patience of a trained sniper and the focus to match. He's more willing to take things slow and wait for the perfect moment to act, and while her - _Connie's_ \- memories remind her that he has always been a tactile guy, it’s even more intense than she remembers now. Suspecting it's because he was starved for positive physical contact for so long, she indulges him whenever he gets in those kinds of moods, and it leads to many hours spent together, either cuddling or in slow, steamy make outs, without the urgency to move faster or do more. In those moments, she can feel the entirety of his interest aimed at her, and she can't help but treat him the same.

It’s been years since Darcy’s spent so much time just enjoying that with someone, without the looming expectation of _more_.

Sometimes Steve wanders in and catches them at it-- usually just leaving them to it, or occasionally sticking around to at least _watch_ for a while. More rare are the times he chooses to join in. Darcy likes those the best because Steve tends to follow Bucky's lead and slows down to savor the experience for what it is, different from way than he acts when they're alone. It's a small, but significant, change-- one that she always notices.

It's also still usually the only time she gets to see the two of them acting like they’re in a relationship. When she asks Bucky about it one day, he flushes and fidgets before admitting they'd agreed to still hold back around her, but he hadn't realized just how much they were until she brought it up. It's a bit of a setback for them, another hit against the tentative trust they've been building, but they eventually work through it. The boys start being less guarded with their relationship, and not just around Darcy. It encourages her to stop worrying so much about what everyone else thinks.

It doesn’t go any farther than that between them-- not for a while, at least. The slow build continues for months, progressing from stolen kisses and careful, lingering touches, to finally growing more comfortable being open around the team. They don't share the big secrets, but they allow their friends to see the current relationship growing.

The first time she kisses both of them in front of the others, and without question it had to be both for the first time, Sam breaks the stunned silence with a loud cheer, telling them it was _about damn time_. The hug he gives her later, paired with a promise to be willing ears if she ever needs or wants them, absolutely _does not_ make her cry, _shut up, Sam_.

Everyone takes it surprisingly well, and there's only a minimal amount of teasing-- mostly thanks to the constant Asgardian presence playing with sharp objects and making comments about foolish Midgardians disrespecting their shield sister. Sif is especially vicious about it, and one time leaves Pietro limping for days after a particularly misguided comment directed mostly at Darcy. It only takes the once, and none of them dares repeat that misstep.

It’s the first time in too long that the trio has indulged themselves by letting the relationship happen naturally, instead of rushing to make the most of it before it’s taken away. Everything is so different, but it’s a nice change to get to know them properly. None of the three feels the urgency that usually haunts them, the warning that the end is near, and when they talk about it, they all agree waiting was the right choice.

They continue to fight and survive, against all the odds, and Darcy is the one to finally take things further.

 


	6. will it feel the same?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two steps forward and one step back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just when I think it's going to be the last chapter, characters decide to be uncooperative. I know, I'm horrible.

With their birthdays only a week apart, plans are made for a special celebration for Darcy and Bucky, separate from the party their friends insist on. Things have been getting better between them and they want something private, just for the three of them. Luck isn’t on their side this time, and three days before the big event the team is called away.

They’re gone for almost two months with minimal contact, the longest the three of them have been apart since everything started working out for them. She's not sure when she started finding their scents so comforting, but it becomes habit to steal something to wear and curl up with their pillows close. Eventually, Darcy resorts to sleeping in their rooms a couple of times a week to take the edge off her building concern. It's not that too familiar, lingering sense of dread that overtakes her when they're near the end, just natural worry that people she loves are away doing something risky, which is a least something to be thankful for.

> _She startled awake at the feeling of the mattress shifting._
> 
> _“Shh, just us,” Bucky whispered, rubbing her shoulder as he crawled in behind her. “It's okay. Go back to sleep.”_
> 
> _“You ‘kay?” she mumbled and cracked her eyes open when the other side of the bed sunk. Steve gave her a tired smile as he joined them, leaving her in the middle as Bucky assured her they were fine and she didn’t need to worry. “Team?”_
> 
> _“Everyone’s fine,” Steve leaned over to kiss her forehead, and Darcy felt the tension drain out of her at the knowledge that her family was finally all home, safe and sound. She gave a contented hum and calmed enough to start drifting off again._
> 
> _"'M glad." Neither one commented on finding her in their bed unexpectedly, just settled in around her, lying close without actually touching. With a sleepy grunt Darcy reached back and groped until she caught Bucky’s hand, laced their fingers together, and pulled his arm around her. He huffed a tired laugh and stopped holding back, wrapping himself around her as much as possible. With her eyes still closed, Darcy’s free hand reached for Steve's next and tugged him closer until he curled around them too. Their fingers were still linked as sleep finally reclaimed her._

It's the first time they've spent the night together and it feels so right in that moment.

When Darcy wakes the next morning, she's not surprised that her boys are still sleeping. It does surprise her that she manages to free herself from the overheated tangle of limbs without disturbing either of them-- a sign of both their trust and exhaustion. She raids the kitchen and starts making breakfast, keeping everything warm in the oven for when they get up. Coffee is saved for last, and only once she hears them stirring. It's ready by the time they stumble in, clearly still half-asleep. It's kind of adorable how uncoordinated they are, bumping into everything as they communicate via mumbles and grunts-- not the kind of behaviour anyone would ever expect from either man.

Steve manages a one-armed hug and a kiss to Darcy's temple on his way to the coffee pot, but Darcy's giggle turns into a yelp as Bucky's arm hooks around her waist and scoops her up onto the island counter. She gasps, as much at the feeling of cool marble against the backs of her thighs as from Bucky wedging himself between her knees and wrapping himself around her. Both of his arms settle low across her back, pulling her against him and holding tight as he buries his face against the crook of her neck and inhales deeply. He doesn’t say anything, just breathes her in with a contented hum.

Darcy indulges the contact, curling around him as much as she can and whispering her relief that they are home. She missed them so much, it was almost a physical ache at times. It doesn't keep her from teasing him about being extra cuddly as she strokes his back and presses careful kisses to any part of his shoulder or neck that gets in range of her mouth. Her nails drag lightly up the back of his neck and across his scalp in the way she knows he likes, and the shiver it earns from him makes her smile.

Without lifting his head, Bucky squeezes once then releases, his hands sliding down her legs until he reaches the bare skin not covered by her shorts-- actually a pair of Steve's boxer briefs stolen from his dresser. Before anything more can happen, Steve clears his throat and asks in a strangled tone if she's wearing Bucky's shirt.

Darcy has never seen anyone go from half-asleep to alert so swiftly.

For a few seconds all she can do is blink at the physical withdrawal as Bucky leans away from her. He doesn't go far, just enough to let him look her over and confirm Steve's words. She can't help the way her breath hitches at the flickers of Connie’s memories-Oh. Oh, _right_. That's a _thing_ for him. She hadn't considered that when she borrowed their clothes to sleep in-and she feels herself blush as she recalls just how Connie had found that out. The thought is lost as Bucky claims her mouth with a possessive desperation that makes Darcy glad she’s not standing. She realizes then just how much he's been holding back with her up until now.

Steve steps in from the side and starts with the whispering again, egging them both on as he watches. Unlike during the New Year's Eve party, he doesn't wait for Bucky to back off and let him in. When he decides it's his turn, Steve steals her mouth away from Bucky's kiss and stakes his own claim on her. It doesn't slow Bucky down at all and, possessive little shit that he's shown he can be sometimes, it definitely feels like he's trying to leave a mark on her neck for everyone to see. They're obviously going to have to revisit that discussion about what is appropriate, and where.

The moment breaks as Steve's stomach growls like an angry bear is trapped in it and Bucky's snarls back like it's trying to answer. Darcy pulls away with a shaky laugh and reminds them that breakfast is ready as she tries to catch her breath. This is definitely not how she expected her morning to go, but she's not complaining. While Steve turns away to dish out food for everyone, Bucky stays where he is for a few extra seconds, keeping Darcy from slipping away. She blushes as she realizes just how much she's still wrapped around him, and it makes him grin and lean in for another quick kiss before giving her some space.

Even while the boys keep busy setting the table and getting everything set up, a necessary distraction for all of them, both watch as Darcy climbs off the counter and braces herself against the marble until her legs stop wobbling. She grumbles that she doesn't want to hear a word out of either of them when she catches sight of their smug looks for causing the state she's in. Of course it was too much to ask for them to actually behave. Darcy rolls her eyes as she calls them out as troublemakers.

When Steve's passes by her snickering, she grabs the tea towel off the hook next to her and snaps it at him, cackling as it connects just below his right butt cheek and makes him jump with a surprised squawk. The look on his face when he turns to stare at her is priceless. She smiles back sweetly and grabs the juice jug as she slips past him and makes her way to the table, where Bucky waits with his hand up for a high five.

Steve promises revenge on them both as he joins them and the teasing banter continues as they eat. It's mostly a comfortable experience, but it's hard to miss the way both soldiers keep pausing to eye her in their clothes. The amount of sheer _want_ in those looks makes her squirm and going by the knowing smirks they both get every time she does, they know exactly what they're doing.

> _"For the record, I didn't know you guys were gonna be back, so this? Not an intentional tease. Understood?" Darcy gestured at her outfit and pretended not to notice the way both Bucky and Steve took the opportunity to leer at her a little. She didn't know how, but it had to be planned that they both answered 'Yes, ma'am' in unison-- and_ oh _, okay, that had the potential to be interesting._
> 
> _"So it's safe to say you're familiar with Bucky’s reaction." Steve gave her one of those looks-- the raised eyebrow, smirky looks that always made her want to both kiss him and throw something at him. She nodded, but when Bucky looked like he was struggling to recall it she brought up Connie's 19th birthday. The faint blush and silly grin he got gave away the exact moment he remembered that night. He started to fill Steve in on what happened as Darcy attacked her pancakes, but she interrupted as he started to get into details._
> 
> _"I'm more curious how you figured it out. First hand experience?" Steve choked on his mouthful of bacon, and Darcy grinned that his ears still turned that vibrant shade of red when he got that flustered, different from his normal blushes. Bucky barked a laugh and told her it was Connie's fault for sending him home to Steve that last night before he shipped out._
> 
> _"But then that's what you were hoping would happen, isn't it?"_

Darcy tenses at the unintentional slip of talking about her and Connie as the same person. They'd both been getting better about it, Bucky more so than Steve, but it still happens from time to time. Bucky looks apologetic when he reaches over to squeeze her hand, but she waves it off, not wanting to ruin the light mood they've managed to build. It's not like he meant to do it.

Confirming his statement works as a distraction-- or at least they're all willing to pretend it does. She asks when Bucky had figured it out, and it's actually surprising when he admits he started putting it together the day Connie stole Steve's first kiss while simultaneously berating Bucky for not doing it himself.

According to Bucky, she wasn't exactly subtle about her intentions.

Darcy almost snorts her coffee when Steve looks genuinely shocked and only reluctantly admits he'd never realized it when he's called out. Bucky teases him about being willfully ignorant and it sets off a round of shoving and name calling like when they were still boys. The ease they show with each other now makes her smile, and when Steve looks over and catches her, she calls them adorkable. It makes both of them blush, which she teases them even more for, until Bucky flicks a slice of orange at her.

It shouldn't be shocking that his aim is perfect even in this, but she still squawks as it lands right in her cleavage. Bucky throws his arms up and cheers as Steve congratulates him on the shot. Darcy waves her fork at them both with a warning that they don’t want to start that kind of thing with her, and they both fail at looking innocent as she's forced to dig the piece out.

The teasing conversation continues as they finish the meal, and the boys insist on taking care of the cleanup. Feeling that lethargy that comes from eating so much, Darcy relaxes and leaves them to it. There’s more lighthearted shoving as they argue over who has to wash and dry, but watching them play around leaves Darcy time to ponder that this has probably been the most fun they’ve had with all three of them together.

Once they're done, Bucky suggests adjourning to the couch with an exaggerated waggle of his eyebrows. Darcy studies them both for a few seconds before countering with a suggestion of the bed. Seeing both their faces go slack with surprise is one of the best things she's seen in a long time, but she clarifies she meant because they still look tired. There is much pouting as they tease her about being so uncomplimentary, but they both follow closely as she shuffles back into the bedroom. Bucky flops face down on the bed with a grunt that makes her laugh, but it cuts off with a gasp as Steve stretches and she sees a nasty bruise on his hip where the shirt rides up.

With a wavering voice, one she hopes they will believe is just because of her concern for Steve, Darcy questions that he said they were okay only a few hours before. The sound of Bucky shifting on the bed registers, but she doesn't take her eyes off Steve as he explains that it was nothing and the bruise would be gone in a few more hours. A thought crosses her mind, though she doesn't say anything, that for it to still be there so vividly now it must have been pretty bad last night. Feeling both men studying her, she buries her hurt at being lied to again and hesitates before asking to see the damage for herself. After another minute, Steve silently slips his shirt off and waits for her reaction.

He keeps still as she walks over and reaches out, not touching any of the assortment of healing bruises, but stroking the unmarked skin around them carefully. She's too preoccupied with assessing the damage to notice the reaction her touch is getting. It isn't until his abs twitch under her fingertips as he suppresses a groan that Darcy freezes, looking up in worry that she has hurt him somehow. The look on his face corrects that assumption in seconds, and brings with it the realization that what she has just done is almost certainly the most intimate thing that has happened between her and Steve so far.

A glance at Bucky shows him sitting up watching them with undisguised _want_ , and just like that her decision is made.

Darcy steps in closer to Steve, just shy of actually touching. One hand shifts to his uninjured hip, bracing herself as she leans in to press a teasingly light kiss to an unmarked spot on his chest. Pulling back just enough to look up at him without straining, Darcy bites her lip as she waits for his reaction.

He studies her, assessing, and she sees the moment he gets what she's offering by how wide his eyes get. It's only seconds before his hand is tangled in her hair, pulling her into a kiss that she responds to enthusiastically. For a short while it's like it was in the kitchen, all desperate heat and possessive longing, and when Steve finally breaks away he presses his forehead to hers and asks if she's sure, clinging tightly like he's afraid she'll change her mind. Darcy nods, adding in a verbal confirmation for Bucky to hear, and whimpers as Steve pulls her in for another kiss, scorching hot, but still possibly the most gentle he's ever been with her, before leading them over to the bed so Bucky can get in on the action.

> _"We're not gonna rush this," Bucky turned her head so she would meet his eyes, so she could see just how serious he was. Glancing down at his mouth with a disgruntled disappointment that he'd stopped kissing her for that, she clenched her fingers in his shirt-and why the hell was he still wearing that thing, dammit?-and met his look head on._
> 
> _"What if I want to rush?" he laughed at her attempt to goad him, a happy sound that made Darcy want to kiss him again even more. He tapped the tip of her nose playfully with a finger that he continued to drag lower, catching on her pouting bottom lip and trailing down her throat, teasingly light._
> 
> _"You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles." It caught her off guard, and her mind blanks completely for a second before she snorts, then starts giggling uncontrollably. Steve’s exasperated groan against her neck tips her over into outright cackling._
> 
> _“Really?” Darcy closed her eyes to focus on her breathing instead of Bucky's grin at her reaction. In the end, it had done what he'd hoped and settled things down a bit-- a much needed tension break. It gave him the space to start the necessary conversation about boundaries and expectations._

True to Bucky's word, they don't rush.

He continues to tease lightheartedly, finding different ways to make them laugh as they shift around, exploring what works and what doesn't. It's almost like he's made it his personal mission to counter anything too heavy or awkward and keep things from getting overwhelming. Darcy can't remember the last time sex had been this much _fun_.

They take their time with each other, a slow, gentle discovery with hands and mouths, conscious of lingering injuries and first time jitters. Bucky makes a point to teach her all the spots that leave Steve breathless, and more than a few that get him cursing up a storm. Steve retaliates by showing Darcy things she shouldn't already know about what Bucky likes. It might be the first time he's really forgotten that she has all of Connie's memories in her head, so she just follows his lead, pretending she doesn't know that the right touch on the back of Bucky's neck will get an almost purring sound out of him, or that there's a spot on his hip that leaves him squirming in seconds. Steve looks so _proud_ when she proves how closely she’s been paying attention, but one look from Bucky proves he hasn't forgotten anything and knows what she's doing. He lets it slide for now, not wanting to break the mood, but Darcy knows they will be talking about it later.

They check with her constantly to reassure themselves that this is what she wants and that she's okay. Darcy does the same for both of them. She feels it in this now, stronger than at almost any other time, the threads of their connection. It feels _right_ with them, the three of them together the way they're supposed to be, and she isn't the only one moved to tears by the beautiful intensity of it before she finally claims exhaustion and they collapse in a satisfied tangle of limbs.

> _"Holy hell," Darcy choked out a ragged, breathless giggle. She felt more than a little loopy in the aftermath of all that exertion. "Your recovery time wasn't even that good when you were 19."_
> 
> _"Serum," Bucky grinned over at her, laughing when she closed her eyes and moaned an impressive string of curses._
> 
> _"Both of you?" her voice went weak at the thought. How was she supposed to keep up with that?_
> 
> _"Didn't realize what you were getting into?" Steve pressed a smug grin into her shoulder. Darcy barely managed to swat at him for it. A thought hit her then that left her shaking with laughter and she barely managed to giggle out an explanation when they asked if she was okay._
> 
> _"If I die of exhaustion trying to keep up with you two, make sure Jane puts ‘Death By Snoosnoo’ on my headstone." Neither of them get the joke, and she's laughing too hard to explain, but they seem amused by her reaction._

Crossing that line in their relationship doesn't change things as much as she thought it would, something she's actually grateful for. Things still happen mostly as they did before, with continuing slow progress. The boys still track her down to steal kisses and, according to Sam, she still spends an unnatural amount of time making out with Bucky, only now sometimes those stolen moments don't just stop with kissing. Sleeping over, while not an everyday thing, happens at least a few times a week, but only if it is all three of them together.

Just because they’ve decided to take this next step, doesn’t mean their other issues have disappeared. They still have their slips and disagreements, with Darcy and Steve continuing to butt heads fairly frequently over all kinds of things while Bucky usually tries to mediate.

He admits to Darcy once that he finds it entertaining that there’s someone other than him willing to call Steve out on his shit, and isn't afraid to take him down a few pegs if needed. It’s good for him to have someone who doesn’t hold him up on that pedestal the rest of them seem to. It's the first time Darcy cracks a joke about wondering what they did in a past life to get stuck with each other, and after a moment of stunned silence Bucky thwaps her in the face with a pillow. Any thought of serious conversation is lost after that.

Though Fandral had coerced her into agreeing before, it actually takes Sif goading her into it for Darcy to resume regular training with the Asgardians during downtime-- she gives in with only a minimal amount of fuss. Bucky and Steve still aren't comfortable with her being around when they train, so she doesn't push the issue with them and adapts her own routine.

She invites Sam to keep her company during her sessions when he has the time or inclination, and how little they actually hold back against each other freaks him out the first time he takes her up on the offer. The Asgardians temper their strength enough to not do any permanent damage, of course, but they are anything but gentle. Sometimes it's only the specially designed practice gear that keeps Darcy from walking away without worse cuts and bruises.

Informing them they all have issues they should talk to a professional about, Sam grins and asks if he can learn that dagger thing they've been working on. He becomes a more frequent member in their sparring sessions after that, and he claims it has absolutely nothing to do with Fandral and the way he sheds layers as the sessions drag on. Or how close and handsy he gets when correcting their form. Darcy just nods and plays along, noting that Sam is extra adorkable when he's flustered and gathering enough teasing material out of it to last a lifetime.

Curiosity eventually gets the better of her boys and they drop in to watch one day. Darcy notices them out of the corner of her eye and it distracts her enough to miss dodging the kick Fandral aims at her side. She flinches at the blow, staggering back a few steps from the force of it before regaining her footing. The attacks don't let up and from the sidelines Sif yells at her to pay attention-- distraction in battle will get someone killed. Gritting her teeth, Darcy refocuses on the fight, even managing to land a few blows before Fandral plants her face down on the mats and she has to tap out. As he helps her up, Fandral adds his own warning about distractions before telling her she had regrouped well.

Annoyance bubbles up as another glance at Steve and Bucky shows they both look like they want to object to what they're watching. Before Darcy can get in their faces about it, Bucky figures her out and tells her he's impressed, followed quickly by a comment about her having done gymnastics and ballet. The observation stops her in her tracks-- she's never told him about that. Her confusion must show because Bucky adds that he can see it in the way she moves. Understanding of where that recognition comes from hits Darcy when he suggests they should consider inviting Natasha to one of their sessions since she might have some useful tricks to offer.

Darcy only just resists the urge to point out he helped train Natasha, and could probably offer the same advice.

When Steve asks if she minds if they stay to watch the rest of the session, Darcy thinks about telling them to go, but decides maybe it'll be good for them to see just what she can handle. Warned that things are winding down, Steve and Bucky wait off to the side and observe the last of the fighting until Sam joins them, complaining that the Asgardian game they end their training with is like playing dodgeball with a bludger. Darcy jokes about asking Tony to make them flying brooms, then tunes everything else out as the ball is launched in her direction.

Hogan eventually wins, but Darcy distracts Fandral at the last second to place third behind Sif. Forgetting she has a different audience than normal, Darcy indulges in the most ridiculous happy dance she can come up with as she taunts Fandral for losing. It isn't until she looks over to Sam, who's laughing so hard he can barely breathe, that she remembers Steve and Bucky are still there.

Sometimes it can be hard to read them, but this is not one of those times. Though they're not laughing as hard as Sam, they never do as far as she knows, they are both laughing more than she's ever seen from them. It warms her that she had a part in making it happen, until she gets closer and sees the hurt there as well. It isn't hard to figure out why.

They've never seen her like this before, with the level of playful openness she has with Sif and the Warriors, and it must be a rough realization just how much she, and all of them really, still hold back around the soldiers. But she's always taken her cues on how to behave, how much to let them in, from the guys, and the Asgardians have followed her lead on that. She tries not to feel guilty for still keeping pieces of herself protected when they're both doing the same thing with her. It's one of many issues they are still working through.

Instead of confronting it, Darcy escapes to the locker room to shower and change. By the time she's finished everyone else has cleared out except Steve and Bucky, who invite her back to their place. Even though she knows it's partly about Bucky wanting to do an injury check, something he's started doing after every time he knows she trains, she goes along.

> _"Should we start calling you Princess too?" Bucky teased as he finished his inspection, satisfied at not finding anything worse than a couple of forming bruises. He pulled her into his lap and trailed his mouth along her jaw, hands extra careful of her sore spots._
> 
> _"Wouldn't be the first time," Darcy squirmed, laughing when he growled playfully against her neck at the response. Steve watched them from the kitchen with an indulgent smile._
> 
> _"Or maybe Goddess would be better?" Bucky licked at her throat as he said it. The combination of words with the touch against her scar had Darcy going rigid, and Bucky looked shocked as she tries to slip away from him. She mumbled some excuse about leaving, but he wouldn't let go. If she’d struggled or insisted on leaving, she knew he would have released her, but she hesitated as he asked her to please stay and tell him what he'd done wrong. Even from across the room Steve could tell something wasn't right, so he abandoned the dinner prep to join them._
> 
> _"It was the goddess comment," Steve's voice was soft, but Darcy still flinched. He took her hand, said they wouldn't push, but they'd listen when she was ready to talk about it. The acceptance put her at ease some, but she still pulled away to move over to the chair. Everything about her body language was as closed off as she could make it-knees hugged to her chest, head down, and avoiding looking directly at them-because the thought of them touching her while she talked about this made her queasy._
> 
> _"When_ He _grabbed me," she whispered, rubbing at the scar he'd left her with. "He had a lot to say about his newly adopted little sister.”_

Darcy has never spoken to Steve and Bucky about what happened before, not even in the broadest of terms. Their curiosity hasn’t been a secret, and Steve still sometimes stares guiltily at the scar when he thinks she can’t see him, but neither of them has actually brought it up with her. She tells them now, all the details she can choke out about the situation she ended up in the middle of, from how Loki had captured her and the pointed jabs about her being a filthy Midgardian, to the taunts about whether she believed their adoption made her a goddess instead of just another unworthy pawn for the royal family to manipulate until she had no further use. Every poisonous word and bruising grip gets shared, and even without looking she can feel their tension building as she gets to the worst part. Steve is shaking and cursing under his breath by the end of it. Bucky has fallen into that cold silence she has come to recognize as remnants of the Winter Soldier.

Of all the reactions Darcy anticipates, a lecture from Captain America about her recklessness isn’t at the top of her list. Even as her head snaps up in shock, Bucky is on him for the hypocrisy of it, pointing out all the risky stunts Steve has pulled over the years. Steve pushes back that it was all things he could handle, unintentionally- _or maybe not so unintentionally, her brain taunts_ -implying he thinks Darcy was in over her head. So caught up in their own argument, neither man notices when Darcy slips out of the room.

Whatever Steve hoped to accomplish with his words, all he’d actually done is attack while she was vulnerable and leave her feeling shaken. While she doesn’t cry, it is a near thing, and Darcy refuses to let Steve see her fall apart again. After what he just pulled, he doesn’t deserve that closeness.

 

 


	7. it's now or never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Less of an ending than another beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After nearly 2 years of working on this, we've finally reached the end. Of this part anyway ;)   
> As always, all mistakes are mine, but Marvel's characters are sadly not.

To get away from the inevitable attempts to track her down when the guys finally notice she’s gone, Darcy drags Sif and Jane into an impromptu girls night out that turns into a six week long adventure through Europe. They drop in on Jane’s mom in London for a few days before heading east, with Darcy leading them through old haunts from lives long past. Thor and the Warriors catch up with them a couple of weeks in as they wander through Italy, and Darcy has the chance to finally introduce her newest family to one of her old ones. The welcome home dinner that follows is, in a word, epic. 

That night, as things are finally winding down, Thor shows up at her door while she’s getting ready for bed. He has a letter for her that Steve asked him to pass along since Darcy still refuses to talk to them at all, and after hearing what Steve had to say, Thor agreed.

Despite what Steve seems to think, she isn’t completely heartless, still checking in with Bucky every few days so at least he knows she's safe-- he isn’t the one she’s angry with, after all. She knows he has been keeping Steve in the loop, but he never pushes the issue with her, so she lets it slide. It doesn’t mean she isn’t curious about them though. When it comes down to it, she still loves them, even if she is too hurt to be around them right now. Darcy can’t help asking how they’re really doing, and Thor doesn’t sugarcoat that things have been rough for them since she left, but that he’s trying not to take sides in their situation. 

> _ "I am merely playing messenger," Thor insisted as Darcy stared at the letter suspiciously. "Not trying to influence any decision you might make." _
> 
> _ "Right," Darcy snorted, teasing him about being completely non-invested in getting them a happy ending. He rolled his eyes at the amount of sarcasm she managed to fit into her words. "You sure you're not trying to play matchmaker again, big brother?" _
> 
> _ "You have been unwilling to hear his apologies and explanations. He wanted you to have this for whenever you feel ready." _
> 
> _ "He told you what it says?" Darcy took the letter gingerly, like she was afraid it might bite her if she moved too quickly. A glance up at Thor showed he was shaking his head, denying knowing the contents of the letter beyond the general things Steve had discussed with him. "You think I should forgive him?" _
> 
> _ "I think, when you feel ready, you should read what he has to say and decide for yourself what the right answer for  _ you  _ is." He left her with a kiss on the forehead and a reminder that she knew which room they were in if she needed anything. _

The letter is dropped on her desk while she gets ready for bed, putting off dealing with it for as long as possible. She hesitates for a long time before finally bringing it over to the bed with her. Abandoning it on the blanket, Darcy reaches for her phone and keeps glancing at the envelope as she calculates the time difference before texting Bucky to find out if he has time to talk. It is only a few minutes before he texts back that he will Skype her in a few.

Setting up her tablet for the incoming call, Darcy curls up in a blanket and stares at the envelope as she waits, reaching out to pick it up only to put it right back down. It happens three more times before the alert breaks the repetition and she checks to make sure it's Bucky’s name before accepting the call. There were issues early on with Steve hijacking Bucky’s account once he figured she'd pick up for Bucky, but she learned quickly from those incidents, and it stopped once Bucky found out. Still, Darcy stays silent until she hears Bucky's voice, and only then allows the video feed through, feeling her tension ease at the sight of him. 

They talk for a while about what they have each been up to, Darcy sharing how the trip is going and Bucky telling her things from back home in the Tower-- both carefully avoiding mentions of their third. He laughs when she tells him about the party and how Zia Benedetta had gone after Fandral with the wooden spoon for flirting with a few of the cousins, while Volstagg had kept everyone entertained by reciting epics on demand. Bucky says he's sorry he missed it when she shares how Thor put on a light show for them, better than any fireworks, to end the night. 

She tells him how much she misses him, and how the family looks forward to meeting him another time. It’s hard not to tear up at the sad smile he gives her at that, but as much as she wants to, she doesn't invite him to come now-- not with things the way they are. The weird imbalance of their relationship still needs to be addressed, but it’s not something she’s ready to deal with yet. Besides which, she knows without needing to ask that even after what happened he would choose Steve over her-- not that she would ever ask. The last thing she wants is to mess things up for them any more than she already has. 

But Bucky is too good at reading her, even when they’re communicating like this, so he presses for what’s really going on. It’s only been a couple of days since they last chatted, and while he says he doesn’t mind, it goes against the schedule Darcy had adamantly insisted on the first time she’d accepted his call after she left. 

Since it is the reason she called, Darcy tells him about the letter, and the way he falls silent tells her all she needs to know-- he had no idea. His voice cracks as he asks about it and she repeats everything Thor shared with her. It takes a few breaths to work up the nerve to admit that she's afraid to read it. Ever supportive of the choice she made, even though she knows he wishes they'd make up, Bucky tells her she doesn't have to if she’s not ready. Just knowing that he’s willing to back her on this, no matter what she chooses, makes the decision easier. When she asks him to stay on the line with her as she reads it, he promises he’s not going anywhere.

He is silent as she opens the envelope, but fails to cover his strangled laugh as he catches sight of just how much paper she ends up holding. A joke about Steve writing her a novel earns him a weak smile, and she can’t help answering back that maybe it’s why he’d had to get Thor to deliver it for him-- clearly no mere mortal could lift it. She’s stalling for time and they both know it.

Bucky offers her privacy again, willing to hang up and let her call back when she’s finished reading, but she asks him to stay again-- as long as she’s not keeping him from anything important. There is something like sadness in his eyes as he tells her that nothing short of the end of the world could pull him away from her. She wishes she believed that, but for right now it is kind of nice of him to pretend it for her sake. They both take a minute to settle in for a long night.

The letter is, as expected, an apology, but more than that it’s an explanation of why Steve reacted the way he did. It drags up the long contentious issue of their first meeting, and he put down on paper the things she'd never really let him say. The handwritten pages are a record of the guilt he feels for driving her away then, all the way to Asgard where she was nearly killed. If he had only treated her better, he writes, she wouldn't have felt the need to run and wouldn't have been hurt. All bad enough on its own, but hearing the details and finding out just how close they were to losing her was too much, and his fear took over, making him say things he didn't mean-- at least not the way they came out. 

He'd fought Loki, knew just how dangerous the Jotunn was, and the idea that he'd had a blade to her throat was terrifying for too many reasons, even without the memories of another life where a similar situation had not ended as well. He'd lashed out without thinking, fixating on the ways she could have not ended up in that position, and ultimately attacked her when she had finally trusted them enough to open up and share the story.

It's a lot to take in, and Darcy is in tears by the end of the first page, but she pushes through to the end. Bucky is there offering silent support, then quiet murmurs that it's okay and she can stop if it's too much. He doesn't push her to share, but she does ask him about things that were mentioned eventually, when she's wrung out and the tears stop. 

Bucky doesn’t seem surprised by what he hears, and answers as best he can from his own perspective. 

> _ “ You charge in fearlessly, doing whatever you have to without consideration for your own safety because you value others more than your own life, and you want to help however you can.” Bucky sounded almost resigned at the statement and paused to shake his head. “Hell, Darce, he's terrified because you remind him of himself and he doesn’t know how to deal with that.” _
> 
> _ “That’s pushing it a little,” Darcy managed to force out a soggy laugh, an attempt to make light of the situation, but she recognized the threads of truth there too. They had discussed it before, her propensity for recklessness given the right circumstances, and she already knew his thoughts on it. It made them nervous because, as a regular human who surrounded herself with gods and monsters and living, breathing science experiments, she was at more risk of being hurt than any of them. “I’m not as weak as you two seem to think I am.” _
> 
> _ “You know I don’t think that.” When Darcy didn't answer, Bucky repeated his wish that he was with her, that he could be there to hold her, but she lied and told him what they were doing was enough.  _

When he asks what happens next, wonders if she's coming home, she shakes her head. She can’t-- at least not yet. While she can understand  _ why  _ Steve reacted the way he had, it doesn't actually make it hurt any less, and she still needs time to process that. Bucky gets it, promises they will be there whenever she's ready, then hesitates before asking if she wants him to pass a message along to Steve. It’s the first time he’s asked her that.

Darcy knows that, until now, Bucky has been careful to only let Steve know that she is fine, never giving out any of the details he learns from her. Asking her to okay it now is his way of seeking permission to let Steve in a little, so he knows she has received his letter and how she reacted. While she seriously considers letting him do it, it feels a bit like taking the easy way out, and she's an adult, dammit, capable of dealing with her own personal drama. She asks if Steve is around and feels her heart lurch at the hopeful look on Bucky's face. After checking that Darcy is sure, and knows she doesn't have to and can stop any time, Bucky slips away to find their third for her. When he comes back, Bucky doesn't take up his previous spot, leaving that for Steve and taking up a position against the wall, still present, but minimizing his involvement so the two of them can work things out.

The first time she gets more than a brief glimpse of Steve since what happened makes her want to start crying all over again. He looks ragged, somehow  _ diminished  _ since the last time she saw him, but not in a physical way-- the serum makes sure of that. He looks, not  _ broken _ , but near enough to be worrying. A few curses in a mix of languages slip out and Steve winces at the sound of her voice. She berates him for not taking proper care of himself, not the nicest thing to say for the first time talking to him again, but she finds it hard to care at the moment. He is supposed to be better than all of this. As she watches Steve stare at her in the video feed, his first real look at her since that day, she can’t help but be reminded of a drowning man getting a much needed breath of air. Now if only he could meet her eyes.

Guilt has him apologizing again, and this time Darcy fights every urge to stop him and lets him have at it. She listens to his self-sacrificial words, and his insistence he had no right to ask her forgiveness.

> _ “ Yes, you hurt me," he flinched at the bluntness, but she didn't sugarcoat it for him. He would never learn from it if she didn’t hold him accountable for his actions. "And if you ever do it again, it will be the last time, even if that means spending the rest of my life in Asgard without you.” _
> 
> _ Even through the video stream she could see his jaw clench at that ultimatum. With her emotions already strained, she cut him off before he could do more than open his mouth to argue. He’d already had his say twice, and she pointed that out to him as she made it clear that it was now her turn, and if he wanted any hope of this working for them, he would actually listen to her this time around. After a deep breath to settle himself, Steve agreed. _
> 
> _ "I have no patience for any of that alpha male bullshit. I have always made my own choices, you know that. You  _ know  _ that. More importantly, I can't keep being a dumping ground for all of your guilt. That's not fair to any of us." _

She tells him she had known from the start that their first meeting was a mistake and her heart clenches as Steve flinches at the words. Not letting it deter her, she pushes ahead, admitting that she was all too aware that he was distracted, too focused on his mission then to really see her. Because of who they are-and  _ were _ -she understood how important finding Bucky was to him and was more than willing to wait for them both to be together, but with Thor getting more antsy every time she put it off, she let him rush her.

Steve seems confused by that until Darcy reminds him that Thor knows  _ everything _ , and he hadn’t reacted well to Vana’s story. Seeing Thor genuinely scared of a repeat of those events is high on the list of things Darcy would never want to repeat. Catching Steve's glance at her scar, Darcy snaps at him again, pointing out that's exactly the kind of thing that needs to stop. This time when he apologizes with that same guilty look, she doesn't feel at all bad as she points out that is exactly the kind of thing she was talking about.

> _ "I can't live like that Steve. Not with you  _ always  _ looking at me like my very existence causes you pain." It hurt to say it, but it needed to be said. In the background of the video feed, she focused on Bucky's painfully calm Soldier face over Steve's shoulder to distract herself from Steve's devastated expression. _
> 
> _ "Darcy, no! That's not--" _
> 
> _ "You need to figure out what you actually want," she interrupted, determined to finish having her say. He owed her that much at least. "Because until you do, things will always be like this and I will not let you  _ hurt me  _ to make  _ you  _ feel better. I refuse to let your issues run my life. Talk to someone, deal with your shit, and we can revisit the talks about forgiveness when you're in a better frame of mind.” _
> 
> _ Steve looked both angry and crushed, but nodded his agreement. She hadn't left him much choice. Past her limit for dealing with this stuff in anything like a mature way, Darcy said a quick goodbye and dropped the call before either man could say anything more. Shutting everything down to keep them from trying to call back, Darcy opted to spend the night with Thor and Jane. _

Though she keeps up her scheduled contacts with Bucky, Steve doesn't try to talk to her again for a while. It isn't until weeks later that Darcy finds out he has been seeing a therapist since the day after she left, when they realized she wasn't intending to come back. At first it was because Bucky insisted, giving Steve an ultimatum about dealing with his PTSD or else, but as he got more comfortable with the daily sessions Steve realized how much it was actually helping and grew more willing. Bucky admitted they’d even gone to a few together, and it was a good thing for both of them.

The next time Darcy consents to talk to Steve, he apologizes again, not out of that oppressive sense of guilt that had driven him every other time, but finally with true remorse for how he'd treated her. She sees the change in him then and the aching hole in her chest finally starts to shrink. It makes her want to finally go home. When she informs the others of her plans, she gets nothing but support, and arrangements are quickly made for their return to New York.

Their first meeting face to face again is both easier and harder than she imagined. It is almost like starting over, all of them unsure of where the boundaries lie between them now. Determined to try to make it work this time, Darcy breaks the ice with hugs for each of them and desperately tries to keep back her tears when Steve holds her like he never wants to let her go for the first time since they met. 

Like the last time, the trio slowly eases their way into things, trying to get back to what they had before, albeit working on a more equal relationship between the three of them. It's not perfect, but a vast improvement over the way things were. The boys open up more, communicating better and including Darcy in things they had left her out of before, and while Steve and Darcy don't stop butting heads, it does happen less often and tends to be less traumatic for everyone involved. Darcy runs away less than she used to because they talk things out regularly, and it is a much smoother journey this time around. She buries her lingering suspicion, that feeling that something is off, but it never completely goes away.

Things are looking up for them until Bucky is pulled into a mission with Natasha, something linked to their shared past in the Red Room, leaving Darcy and Steve really alone together for the first time. For all the progress they've made, neither is entirely sure how to interact with the other without their third to play buffer, and when things start to get too awkward, Darcy falls back into old ways and comes around less. 

Steve lets it go on for a little while before he tracks her down for a confrontation. 

> _ “ I’ve never thanked you for your help finding him.” Darcy glanced at Steve out of the corner of her eye as he dropped to the floor next to her. This little section of wall was the perfect place for her to watch Sam and Fandral doing their weird little mating dance, close enough to have a good view of the mats without the worry she would get in the way. She wasn’t used to anyone else invading the space. _
> 
> _ "I don't know what you're--" she cut the sentence off at the look he managed to give her, even without fully turning his head away from watching the sparring.  _
> 
> _ "That first day, you saw a pattern even JARVIS missed. I may not have acknowledged it at the time, but I recognized that." His jaw clenched as he paused, revealing just how hard this all was for him to say. "I could always tell when the information JARVIS sent back came from you." _
> 
> _ She was not entirely sure how to handle that bit of knowledge. If he'd known from the beginning, that changed a lot of things between them, including the whole basis of their relationship thus far. Darcy clenched her eyes shut and bit the inside of her lip until the urge to cry had passed. _
> 
> _ "You know you don't have to do this, put up with me, out of some feeling of obligation, right?" _

Darcy fights to keep her voice steady as she offers Steve the out she's sure he wouldn't take on his own. It is one of their oldest rules from nearly the beginning-- if one of them wasn't into it for _any_   reason, and there had been so many over the lifetimes, then they could step away without fear of the others' reactions. They had all been in that position more than once, so it wasn't like they didn't understand. Stalling with a deep breath, Darcy tells him that from what Thor had said, Steve had been happy with Bucky before she had turned up again.

Sad, but trying to be understanding, she nearly chokes on the words as she tells him she isn't a mission he has to accomplish, and if he's only doing this all to repay her, or just to make Bucky happy, then it isn't necessary. That finally gets him to turn to her and he looks absolutely wrecked as he asks if she thinks he doesn't want her the same as Bucky. She shrugs, trying to play it off as not that big a deal, and his jaw clenches. He gets that determined expression that makes her feel both excited and wary as he leans in and whispers a promise that he will prove to her how much she means to him.

She can't help but startle as Steve gets to his feet, holding out a hand to help her up as he asks her to spar with him. It is so out of the blue that for a long moment all Darcy can do is stare. When she finally finds the words to question him on the sudden change of heart about that kind of thing, Steve says it's because that's one of the ways she bonds with the Asgardians and he'd like to get to know that part of her too. This time when he offers his hand, she takes it.

Once they realize what's going on, Sam and the Asgard crew gather around the perimeter of the mats to watch, sending out an alert via JARVIS for anyone else in the Tower who is interested in seeing the throw down. Darcy pauses her stretching to snort as the bets start flying, using some of her more creative insults at the ones who put money against her. 

More people arrive as she is explaining the ground rules to Steve, who rolls his eyes and says he knows when she reminds him her gear will absorb some damage, but he still has to pull his punches. Darcy arches an eyebrow at him for it and snarks back that she is just being thorough since he's the one who will have to explain why Cap gave his girl a black eye to Bucky when he gets back. That gives Steve pause, and he is noticeably less amused when he acknowledges the point as they step onto the mats. 

When neither moves to start the fight, each shifting in place while sizing the other up, Steve taunts her about being scared to actually come at him. Darcy throws back a comment about age going before beauty that earns a laugh, but she ignores the opportunity to attack while he is distracted. She waits him out, forcing Steve to make the first move so she can get a read on him because while he has had the chance to study her fighting up close by crashing her training sessions, she didn't have the same advantage. 

Steve keeps things at her level the same way the Asgardians do, and while he is unquestionably stronger and faster, she proves impressively flexible and surprisingly creative, getting away from him a lot more than anyone expects. She shows her willingness to fight dirty if necessary and lands some solid, unexpected hits, not holding back because he says he can take it. Steve gets in a few contacts of his own before eventually pulling a quick move that flips her through the air and plants her flat on her back on the mats with just enough force to knock the wind out of her. 

Instead of pausing to regroup or tap out as he probably expected, Darcy immediately swings her legs back up over her head, the movement rolling her up onto her shoulders and, because of his position slightly leaning over her, allows her a full force kick to Steve's jaw with both feet. He stumbles back, as much in surprise as from the force of the blow, and Darcy takes advantage of his dazed state to sweep his legs out from under him. Steve hits the mats with a loud thud, and Darcy is on top of him in seconds, using her legs to pin his arms down and laying her forearm across his throat without applying any pressure. In his awe, he lets her, grinning up at her with bloody teeth as she gasps for breath. 

Ignoring their gathered audience cheering the performance, Darcy leans in to steal a kiss, feeling triumphant that she caught him off guard enough to score that much of a win, and for the first time without Bucky there to guide his actions, Steve touches her like she's the only thing on his mind. Darcy loses herself in that feeling until someone, she thinks maybe Clint, calls for them to get a room. With the copper taste of his blood lingering on her tongue and adrenaline leaving her feeling giddy, Darcy pulls back and waggles her eyebrows at Steve suggestively to make him laugh. 

His answering smirk should have been warning enough.

Darcy squeaks as Steve wraps an arm around her waist and rolls to his feet without releasing her. Before she can get a proper hold, he swings her around again and plops her over his shoulder with his arms hooked around her legs to keep her from kicking. As he struts out of the room, Darcy braces one hand against his lower back and uses the other to wave her middle finger back at the catcalling crowd cheering them on. 

Curious to see what Steve will do next, Darcy doesn’t struggle and lets him take her where he wants. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t take advantage of her position to indulge in a little friendly groping, giggling when his steps falter. He teases her about her wandering hands, but doesn’t try to stop her, or put her down until he has her in his and Bucky’s bedroom. That’s when things take a turn for the serious.

> _ “ Steve, what--?” his lips dragging along her jaw left Darcy somehow more breathless than she had been in the gym. He touched her with the kind of reverent focus she was more used to from Bucky, and it was such a shift from the teasing banter they had while sparring, and the worry before that, that it left Darcy feeling slightly dizzy. It was the first time since she came back, since they’d decided to try again, that things had progressed to that kind of intimacy, and for Steve to be the one to take that step first was a bit of a shock. _
> 
> _ “ You are not a mission to me,” Darcy felt his breath hot against her skin and shivered. "I have  _ never _ thought of you as an obligation. You’re  _ ours _ , Darcy. Always. Whatever face you wear, whatever life throws at us, you were meant for us, and we were meant for you, and  _ nothing  _ will ever change that. I  _ will  _ find a way to prove that to you." _

Throat burning with emotion, Darcy can’t find the words to properly respond to that declaration, so she opts for the next best thing. Steve’s shaky gasp when she shuts him up with a kiss, one that attempts to show him all of the feelings she can’t give voice to, makes her want to smile. When he pulls her closer, holding her just that little bit tighter, her next choice is easy. She indulges the need to kiss him, letting them both enjoy those moments for a little while before ending it. The desperate sound he makes and the way he chases her lips for more is hard to resist, but she does it. There is a plan.

Wrinkling her nose, Darcy pats Steve's chest as she teases him about being sweaty and gross, and laughs at the look he gives her in return. He might be too diplomatic to actually say the same about her right now, but he is definitely thinking it. He does aim an exaggerated pout at her when she actually pulls away though, protesting the new space between them. It’s worth it to see him get wide-eyed and slack-jawed as she strips her shirt off, then leaves a trail of clothing on her way to the shower with an invitation for him to join her. He doesn't hesitate and it’s the best shower either has had in a long time.

Afterwards, when they're curled up together in Steve and Bucky's bed, Steve asks her to stay, not just for the night, but until Bucky gets back-- or longer, if she feels up to it. She takes the time to think about it, knowing that what just happened won't fix the problems they still have, but not wanting to give up on the progress they've made. She agrees, making it clear that she's a little nervous about it all and might change her mind later. Steve is understanding, having worries of his own, but still thinking it's worth trying.

They spend most of the next eight days together with Steve trying to prove to her how much she means to him, and their relationship improves. It's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, and she’s more convinced than ever that she’s right about her lingering suspicions, but it's enough for now. She knows these things take time, and a lot of work, to maintain. 

Eventually the mission ends, bringing Bucky home safely to them. He is surprised to discover everything Steve and Darcy have been up to in his absence, but when they use their new found closeness to team up against him and show off just what they can accomplish when they work together, Bucky doesn't stop grinning for nearly a week. They all agree it’s worth the teasing they get for it.

Sparring becomes a team bonding activity and eventually everyone gets involved whenever they can find the free time. Darcy gets to know the other members of the team better and gains more people that she claims as hers, but like so many other things about this lifetime, it is unusual. There have been more of them in the last few years than in over a dozen previous lives combined, and she jokes about suddenly feeling like a dragon who is hoarding heroes, which they find amusing. The only real holdout throughout it all is the Black Widow, of all people. 

For Darcy, things don't click with Natasha the way they do with the others, and long after everyone else has accepted the story the trio spun for them, or are willing to at least pretend they do, she still watches them suspiciously. Natasha never really stops trying to pry information out of them, although she targets Darcy the most, probably figuring that she's the weak link of the three. 

Steve uses the situation as an excuse to press for being honest with their friends, but Darcy remains stubbornly against the idea, at least-or especially-when it comes to Natasha. She argues that curiosity doesn't excuse the pushing, and if she is going to be _forced_   into sharing before she is ready, she'd rather tell anyone other than the one forcing her. Even Tony feels like a better choice because, although he has admitted to Darcy that he suspects there's more going on than they’ve said, he accepts that they want to keep it private, whereas Natasha continues to pry every chance she gets like it’s her right to know. It’s exactly what Darcy warned against during their first discussion about telling anyone, and why Bucky had agreed with her position back then. With both of them against him, Steve agrees to still keep it quiet, even if he isn’t happy about it. 

The longer things go on without producing new information, the more frustrated Natasha seems to get and the harder she pushes. After she tries to get Wanda involved, Darcy finally has enough. The next time she sees Natasha, Darcy confronts her, a conversation which ends with Darcy walking away in tears, leaving behind a shaken Natasha-- it isn't until much later that Darcy learns Bucky had watched the whole exchange and had his own chat with Natasha after about her behavior. It doesn't resolve anything, only drives Natasha to be more discreet in her search. In the end, they settle into a tentatively peaceful, if not entirely trustful, coexistence.

Life doesn't stand still for them any more than it ever has, but they take things slow and face everything as it comes. Enemies continue to challenge them, and Darcy still worries herself sick over every near miss, not just for her boys, but the whole extended family they've built here, but whatever luck they have on their side continues to hold. It isn't always easy, and not always pretty, but the three of them strive to hang on to whatever happy moments they can get for as long as possible, and with the support of their friends and family, more than in any other life before, they continue to move forward in hope.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with this through to the end. There are not enough words for how much I appreciate how amazing the response to this fic has been. You all are the best <3  
> While this may be the end of this story, it is far from the end of this 'verse. I promise, there are Plans (involving both Past and Future).


End file.
